Eat My Sports: NFL predictions edition

Bust out your Michael Vick jersey, a case of Miller Lite and prepare to gain 20 pounds, IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON! How will it all pan out? So glad you asked. My sports knowledge and ability to guestimate gives you predictions for every division, team and eventual playoff outcomes. Let’s ride.

NFC East

The NFC East was supposed to be the new “it” divisions last year, shortly before it lived up to expectations in 2008 the way Angelina Jolie tanked in Changeling. Now in 2009 the East is down to one good team, two teams that got rid of egomaniacal receivers, and the Redskins. Don’t be surprised when this team yields only one playoff bid this year.

The Call: Philadelphia Eagles 12-4

The Rest: New York Giants 9-7, Dallas Cowboys 8-8, Washington Redskins 5-11

NFC South

Another pretender division that choked like a British nanny as the weather got colder. Yes, I predicted the Saints to go to the Super Bowl last year, but injuries and NO DEFENSE prevented that. This year you have an aging Carolina squad, New Orleans’ offense, a terrible Tampa team and an Atlanta franchise that will probably get a second year hangover from Matt Ryan, I mean he is still only a year out of college, hangovers happen my friend. The bottom line is you could make an argument for any of these teams, simply because the division is so bad. So pick the least heinous person to make out with at this party, because this one isn’t pretty.

The call: Atlanta Falcons 10-6,

The rest: New Orleans Saints 8-8, Carolina Panthers 7-9, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 6-10 Continue reading Eat My Sports: NFL predictions edition

October movie audiences will be uncomfortable

On October 24, two movies will be released simultaneously. That’s not so awkward; movies get released on the same day all the time.

Unfortunately, one of these movies stars Angelina Jolie and the other stars Jennifer Anniston. That’s right: no matter where you fall in the Brad Pitt love triangle contention, there will be the other woman. On the one hand, Angelina is unrivaled in beauty, like Brad. On the other hand, Brad’s mother loved Jen!

But aside from the movie theater anxiety that’s only exceeded in the supermarket checkout line while discussing the tabloids, there’s an issue of the titles of their movies.

Angelina will appear in Changeling, which is presumably about a child not raised by its birth parents.

Jennifer will appear in He’s Just Not That Into You, which just reminds us that you deserved better than him, Jen! The pretty ones will just break your heart! Stay strong, and maybe eat something. We love you!*

*Except McBournie. He doesn’t care about celebrities until they’re dead.

Why would Universal Pictures and Warner Bros. do this to us and Jen? How about they just agree to release on alternative weekends? He’s Just Not That Into You would be perfect for the October 24th premier, and Changeling can debut on October Thirty-Never. (Call us, Jen!)