Why you should care about the health of otters

You guys, we need to clean up the environment like right now. It all has to do with the health of otter penises.

According to a recent study by the Cardiff University Otter Project, otter male organs are shrinking as a direct result of pollution. The otters, however, insisted it was just that the water was cold.

Now, this blog isn’t one to give a rat’s ass about an otter’s penis, but scientists are worried the same could happen to human male dudes. The theory is that the more chemicals that get into the water and air, the more wildlife consume, and some of those chemicals are affecting their bodies in bad ways. That means the same could happen to us.

For the record, pollution has yet to affect The Guys, since we flush the bad chemicals from our bodies with alcohol.

Men now anxious for Armageddon

We already knew that bras could save your breasts from swinging National Geographically, but did you know that a bra could save your life?

Well, not in every situation. It can save you from “chemicals as harsh as the ones at Chernobyl,” tuberculosis and maybe even pollen. But it won’t work on gunshots, bee stings, lightning, cancer, plane crashes, Daleks, meteorites, AIDS, high-five accidents, Shug Knight, sharks, samurai swords, faulty parachutes, the hand in the toilet, stampedes, ninjas, old age, skiing, HDL cholesterol, grammar Nazis, Nazi Nazis, wild boars, kitchen fires, improper flare use, licking a transformer, maulings, bludgeonings and quarterings.

Otherwise, they’ve successfully made the brassiere even more complicated.