School says kids should eat healthier with potentially unhealthier foods, not obviously healthier foods

Nutrition for children isn’t exactly a gray area. Chicken nuggets, obviously, fall under the purview of unhealthy when compared to a turkey sandwich on whole-wheat bread, especially when said sandwich is coupled with a banana and apple juice.

Well, they do in most parts of the world. Where the comparison fails, though, is in Bizarro World, also known as Raeford, North Carolina.

A preschooler brought the aforementioned healthy lunch, along with potato chips, to school. This was a horrible thing to do, because a representative for the Department of Health and Human Services, coincidentally enough checking all lunchboxes that day, decided that the school provided lunch (chicken nuggets, milk, two servings of fruit or veggies and one serving of grain) was better than home provided lunch.

Technically and in the strictest sense, that’s true, but …. chicken nuggets? Really?

Jamie Oliver hates the environment, animals

McDonald’s (which is popular on the site today) has caved to British television chef, Jamie Oliver, in what is the latest salvo in his War to Waste Food.

The fast food giant pledged to stop using “pink slime,” a product of treating lean beef scraps with ammonia to render them safe for human consumption, in their hamburger patties. Which means that when the sign out front says “over 250 billion served,” they could mean the number of cows or acres of rainforest consumed by increased cattle-herding.

In the past, Mr. Oliver railed against the use of what is normally considered unusable scraps, including ground-up bone and marrow in chicken nuggets. This led to certain meat dispensaries, including Wendy’s, to start selling “all white meat” nuggets. Environmental scientists still haven’t gauged the groundwater damage caused by the increased demand for whole chickens, whose feces must be managed properly.

Meanwhile, in the factory district just outside town: Oscar Meyer hot dogs are still not made from 100 percent Kobe beef. This looks like a job for … some British TV star!

Surprise: girl that wears trashy shirt has trashy diet, may die in trash

Whenever you watch a movie or television and you see a British person, the natural assumption is that they’re smart. I mean, their accent is so smooth and it sounds so educated that everything they do just has to be right because they’re so smart and literary and scholarly, right?

That’s why SeriouslyGuys is always here to let you know that the British are just as stupid as the rest of the world. And to do so, we’d like to introduce you to 17 year old Stacey Irvine. Stacey Irvine has apparently known only a diet of chicken nuggets for the past 15 years. We only know this because she has copped to it after collapsing at her factory job. Three cheers for Oliver Twist era working conditions making a comeback!

If this is true, this is not a smart move. This is not a scholarly move. This is a horrible move that not even is seen in the fattest, most unhealthy corners of the United States.

U-S-A, U-S-A!

‘Nugget lady is embarrassed by her actions’ — shocking!

In a SeriouslyGuys update, we think it’s important to tell you that actions sometimes have repercussions.

A few days ago, LaTreasa Goodman was in the mood for chicken nuggets at her local McDonald’s. Unfortunately, they were all out. So, she did what any insane sensible person would do and called 911 three times because they were out of the fried meat patties.

Fortunately, LaTreasa now seems to have learned something from her actions. Patience. Humility. Self-esteem. Options (something which the manager of the restaurant clearly did not want to give). The difference between an “emergency” and an emergency.

“When you feel that you’ve been mistreated or misused or robbed out of your money, you have the right to call 911,” Goodman said. “That’s the purpose of 911, so I thought.”

Or, maybe not. No. No no no no no no no.