Come on in for 75 cent wings!

If you like wings, you’re not alone. Buffalo, barbecue, etc., they are growing in popularity, and that’s actually not a good thing.

Because so many jerks out there like the same bar food that you do, the price of chicken wings is increasing this year. Wings have increased in price by 39% since the 1970s, even with inflation. Last year they cost $1.47 per pound. So we’ll see if gas or wings make it to $3 first.

This is now creating a market for my new idea: buffalo chicken feet!

A racist southern colonel? Preposterous!

KFC has found itself in an awkward situation after an Australian ad campaign made its way to YouTube sparking accusations of racism from its American audience. Looks like they’ve should’ve just double downed instead.

The Aussie “Cricket Survival Guide” commercial shows a white man in a crowd of cheering black cricket fans. The Australian fan, named Mick, asks “Need a tip when you’re stuck in an awkward situation?” and then hands a bucket of KFC fried chicken to the black fans. The YouTube video had more than 250,000 views Wednesday afternoon and viewers left more than 3,300 comments.


KFC Australia told Adelaide Now that while the ad could be perceived as racist, it was misunderstood by the American audience.

“It is a light-hearted reference to the West Indian cricket team,” the company said in a statement. “The ad was reproduced online in the U.S. without KFC’s permission, where we are told a culturally-based stereotype exists, leading to the incorrect assertion of racism.

“We unequivocally condemn discrimination of any type and have a proud history as one of the world’s leading employers for diversity.”

That’s some smooth damage controlin’ you got there. KFC Australia is now removing the television advertisement that was being run in conjunction with the Australian cricket season.

And there was much Ran Ran Ruu-ing

War Journal, Entry 3456:

We finally found the body of Colonel Sanders. Well, at least, most of it. He was in Japan. It wasn’t pretty. The cause of death? Drowning. Three-legged chicken breasts were served at the funeral.”

The Colonel ended up at the bottom of the river in 1985, when delirious Hanshin Tigers fans celebrating the team’s first Central League title in 21 years decided the figure bore a striking resemblance to Tigers slugger Randy Bass and, lifting it off its base in front of the Dotonbori Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise, gave the Colonel a victory toss.

It just goes to show that that no matter where you’re from, when your team wins, you gotta trash something.

The last place we’d look

… Or so that chicken thought!

That’s right: an elusive character in the War on Animals, a chicken, tried to hide out in a McDonald’s. She allegedly chose the fast food franchise as their hideout since they don’t really serve chicken in their nuggets, sandwiches or Fried Chicken McSundaes. However, she wore out her protectors’ patience by interfering in drive-“thru” transactions.

In response to their pleas for help, we’ve nabbed her. She will be held indefinitely¬†until the Colonel conducts her military tribunal.

For those of you playing along at home, we’ve¬†eliminated the Four of Clubs in the War on Animals’ Speak and Spell No Evil Deck of Most Wanted Enemy Combatants (or WoASSNEDMWEC). This card is now a wild card in any deck and, when played, grants the player to pass out 200 drinks to the other players.