Spoilers: Snape touches students

If the internet was made for sex, then what are young adult books made for?

Well, if you’re in Britain, then they’re clearly made for pedophilic tendencies. Isn’t that right, J.K. Rowling?

Oh yes, that’s right, the woman behind the financial marvel known as ‘ARRY POHTTAUH may have to register as a potential pedophile simply thanks to the literature that she’s written. Now, mind you, the Harry Potter series is clearly not of the Lolita style of writing, but simply because she has the possibility of visiting students at schools, Rowling must go onto a list of people who may have a greater likelihood of becoming white unmarked van drivers. Oh, and also, she’s required to pay a fee to go onto this list. Genius.

And no, this is not an article from The Onion. We could only hope that it was.

Child porn is not like bubble gun for a class

A Kentucky man was arrested for allegedly convincing an 11-year-old Houston girl to send him naked photos using his PlayStation 3 console.

Ew.

Ewwwwwww.

Anthony Scott Oshea of Somerset, Kentucky, was taken into custody by local authorities, charged with with three felony counts, including promotion of child pornography and online solicitation of a minor, after allegedly receiving naked photos of the young girl and then e-mailing them to people in at least five states, all through the PS3. Harris County Texas prosecutor Eric Devlin claims that Oshea “groomed” the girl over a period of time, befriending her and bothering her for photos until she finally relented. Houston authorities are hoping to bring Oshea to Texas to stand trial.

Pedophiles are not very clever, in case you haven’t noticed.