Tag: China

World-class rope burns

The Olympics is coming this summer, so get ready to see a bunch of people run around a track in approximately 800 different events. It has also been a criticism of the Olympics for having too many strange sports (so you cross country ski really fast and then shoot things?), but they have had others in the past.

From 1900 to 1920, Tug-of-War was an Olympic event–really. Think of all the hard work, training and sacrifice that must go into a game your dad and his coworkers used to play after having a few to many at the annual office picnic. Sadly, Dodgeball, Red Rover and Handlebar Mustache-Growing were not approved for these early Olympiads.

This has been an SG fun fact.

Murky waters

“I know you like to think your @%$# don’t stink, but lean a little bit closer, see them roses really smell like poo-poo-oh-oh.” —Outkast

Still looking forward to that trip to Beijing for the 2008 Summer Olympics? Think again. Officials are getting a staunch heat from people complaining about the squatting toilets held in many test facilities. And no, squatting is not one of the new games held this year.

Please, think of the athletes

The International Olympic Committee would like to remind you that human rights violations are no reason to boycott the Olympics.  It’s important to recognize the diversity of other cultures and some of those, like the Chinese when it comes to Tibet and Myanmar, are dicks.

“‘We believe that the boycott doesn’t solve anything,’ [IOC President Jacques] Rogge told reporters[.] ‘On the contrary, it is penalizing innocent athletes and it is stopping the organization from something that definitely is worthwhile organizing'” (emphasis ours). 

In other news, the IOC is still preoccupied with hard-hitting, globally-destructive issues like doping.  The IOC: just like in high school, it’s all about the jacques jocks.

Bringing back the lush’s lunch

The people of China are fighting back! They are not going to take government oppression anymore. They have had it with being told what do to and how to do it, and they are tired of Big Brother watching everything they do on their lunch breaks.

In an act of defiance not seen in China since Tienanmen Square, a legal challenge, backed by the country’s liquor producers, is looking to overturn a ban on imbibing on lunch breaks in the Henan province. This blog supports the three (or five)-martini lunch, and would like nothing better than to see this ban free the Chinese people.

Where ever there is a ban on alcoholic beverages, consider SeriouslyGuys your own personal Tom Joad.

China steps up the enforcement

Every country needs to keep an eye on the animals within its borders, with this war going on. And it’s nice to see one country has finally taken the 1984 approach. Not surprisingly, that country is China.

Yes, a municipality in China has begun planting microchips inside zoo animals. As reported by the country’s own government-controlled Xinhua news agency, the microchips will give zookeepers instant access to information, including the animal’s name, age, gender, species and turn-ons.

Because this is reported by such an impartial source, we can safely assume the microchips are being distributed equally amongst all of the animal population in this most glorious experiment on the People’s behalf. And of course, the microchips will be removed before the animals are served at local restaurants.

Mao and Kissinger feeling the love

Keeping with the love theme this week, China is a nation that is all about the love. Heck, it’s big on the color red, so everyday there must be like Valentine’s Day, right? Yes, and according to a document just released by the U.S. State Department, the chairman of the love was none other than Chairman Mao Zedong.

In 1973, during trade talks with Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, Mao offered to trade U.S. goods for Chinese women. Now that’s how you get the trade talks going!

“We don’t have much. What we have in excess is women. So if you want them we can give a few of those to you, some tens of thousands.”

Mao later upped his offer to 10 million Chinese women, apparently the Chinese women market had been hit hard by China’s struggling economy and the failed Great Leap Forward. This blog remembers the day when you could sell a Chinese woman for a single barrel of oil. Ah …

Kissinger, no stranger to love himself (he once said, “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”), did not flatly turn down the offer. Instead, he said the U.S. would have to “study” the offer. One can only imagine the long nights of studying Chinese women Kissinger had to put in after that. But he did it for the good of the country.