New York City is running dangerously low on snacks

A few weeks back, we learned that Johannesburg, South Africa is expected to run out of water in April due to a severe drought. But New York City is facing a crisis far worse: it’s running out of Cheetos.

Stores across the city are running low on Cheetos because of a labor dispute with delivery drivers. Frito-Lay recently cut the pay of its drivers in the New York City area, prompting a fair amount of them to quit. The worker shortage has caused less frequent deliveries, which means stores are running out of Frito-Lay products.

So as you sit at the dinner table tonight, surrounded by loved ones, and polish off a bag of Doritos, remember the less fortunate.

Alert! Chickens on the loose!

You may have heard yesterday that some animals were on the loose.

My friends, animals on the loose isn’t limited to just one area of the country.

A truck driver began falling asleep while traveling down the highway. Little did he know that his oncoming dreams would signal horror. His truck then made its way into another, jackknifing and losing its load like the truck was called Peter N. No, that’s too obvious. Perhaps P. North? Yes, that’ll work. Anyways, after crashing, the load was lost … and then on the loose.

Yes, the trucker was carrying live materials, this time in the form of chickens. Hundreds of chickens were set free, blocking traffic for miles on end. As you can see from the picture in the link, these chickens weren’t tiny spring hens. The worst part though is that nowhere in the link is it mentioned that all of these monster chickens were caught. Be safe and cautious, people of California. Shoot to kill and fry to eat.