Tag: Christmas

WWJE: What Would Jesus Eat?

Many chocolates claim to be divine, but sadly, they always come up short. Until now.

A German businessman is selling Jesus chocolates he calls “Sweet Lord,” just in time for the holidays Christmas. Shockingly, Protestants and Catholics in Germany are none too pleased by the entrepreneur’s attempt to bring Jesus back to his birthday party.

If you ask us, they’re really missing out on a great way to get people back in the pews on Sundays, at least for Catholics. Instead of giving out bread at communion, give out chocolate Jesuses (Jesi?). It’s still his body you’re eating, right?

Want to order some savior? You can find Jesus here.

Hey, his blood is wine, right?

If there is one potential marketing ploy that is never used, it’s God. No one ever tries to court the Christians in America, despite the fact that they are a huge demographic. Perhaps one day Christmas will be a larger holiday like it deserves to be, until then we must stick to beer.

We turn now to the 27th Great American Beer Festival (held three weeks after the So-So American Beer Festival), in our search for God. There, one entrepreneur is asking, What Would Jesus Brew? At the festival, one could find beers from an old Abbey, He’Brew, a Jewish beer, Genesis Ale, Messiah Bold and even Damnation.

So does this mean drinking on Sunday is OK with God?

Your next paycheck will include a complimentary piece of coal

Do you feel it?

There’s a snap in the air. The temperature’s getting crisper. Wal-Mart has put up the candy and instead rolled out stockings. People are starting to put on their coats and get a cup of hot chocolate when they go out to pick up the latest cd. Classic cartoon specials are airing on tv, and you know them by heart. Everywhere around you, you can see the colors of a blaze red and a highly verdant green.

These are all traditions that we associate with Christmas. We’ve known them by heart and we shall continue to do so for most of our mortal lives. Well, it’s time to add another tradition to that group-the “mall Santa is fired in October” should definitely fit right in.

Yes, to quote Queen, “another one bites the dust.” Michael Graham, longtime Santa of Tysons Corner Center in McLean, Virginia (even I remember visiting the guy when I was 7, and I’m the youngest member of the SG crew), has been fired with no notification. Possibly unjustly, as he has had a contract with the mall until 2012. In fact, the mall states that he has done nothing wrong. This brings to mind that there may be a possible breach of contract, given these facts. Will Graham be able to put his now useless Santa suits to use? Only time and sufficient drinking will be able to tell.

A bit of warning: those that read the linked article will be put through Christmas-pun Hell. It was rough for me, and I love puns.