Half man! Half man! Half man!*

*As an apology for writing about Two and a Half Men, the Guys have used a line from a far superior show to try to make up for it. Sorry.

Chuck Lorre, creator of Two and a Half Men, The Big Bang Theory and Lawyer Porks the Granola Out of Some Hippie Chick

Angus T. Jones, the “half” in Two and a Half Men since he was 10 years old, has turned 19 and realized what most people do as they mature: that his show is garbage. Its scripts are generally what 1 Corinthians describes as speaking, thinking and reasoning as a child, which Angus — reaching the age of manhood — has decided to put away. Meanwhile, showrunner Chuck Lorre will continue to write exactly like this, whether on this show or in the six-season-long wedgie he’s been giving to nerds on The Big Bang Theory.

If Jones is legit, then godspeed. If he’s merely pulling a fake Kirk Cameron because even Charlie Sheen and Ashton Kutcher couldn’t destroy Two and a Half Men, then may his contract be short and found non-binding.

Coke and porn stars only funny when implied?

Now that Egypt’s Jasmine Revolution is over as far as Americans are concerned, we can resume our focus on domestic issues. And that domestic issue is Charlie Sheen.

In the latest chapter of what will undoubtably fill future history books, Chuck Lorre–creator of Two and a Half Men–has called Sheen out in those two-second long screens at the end of his shows’ credits. With shooting on hiatus until Sheen gets his porn star and coke habit in control, Lorre wrote that he will be pissed if Sheen outlives him.

Seriously? A show is on hold because the lead actor in a show loosely based on his actual life because of porn stars and coke? Just move the cameras to his house and start taping off the cuff. The kid’s old enough for his own Valtrex prescription, so let’s dump with the innuendo and make Jon Cryer really uncomfortable on set.

It’s gotta be more interesting than whatever Kardashians do.