Sniff test: Snortable chocolate is a thing

It’s summertime, which means that everyone’s on vacation, and there’s no real news happening. So it’s time for our friends in the news media to start running alarmist stories about how rampant and dangerous some relatively small trends among the youth really are. This is your lucky day, snortable chocolate!

For decades, powdered chocolate has been used by moms as a quick mix for chocolate milk. If you believe the hype, it’s now the next big club drug. Some dude heard that snorting chocolate was a growing trend in Europe, so he decided to bring it here.

Coco Loko is being marketed as a legal way to snort something and get high. It’s cocoa powder mixed with some legal stimulants to give you a rush of energy. Use of a silly straw is optional. Coco Loko is to cocaine what candy cigarettes are to smokes.

And no overblown panic story is complete without threats of a crackdown. Sen. Chuck Schumer has sent a letter to the FDA urging it to investigate the health effects of snorting chocolate and potentially ban cocoa snuff.

Pro tip: After snorting Coco Loko, don’t use your sleeve when you sneeze. Chocolate stains are a bitch to get out.

New York: One tough town

New Yorkers are “annoyed — furious is a better word” — that the Air Force One flyover of NYC was not a terrorist attack. Though the plane and its F-16 escort veered frustratingly close to the site of Ground Zero, the plane was not piloted by terrorists and did not crash into any buildings.

Enraged and traumatized to be teased with what could have been a very painful and scary moment, New York politicians like Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Senator Chuck Schumer want to know why New York wasn’t informed and whose head will roll for not killing several thousand of their constituents.

Even the therapists can’t handle the influx of tramautized patients. Social worker, Linda Garcia-Rose complained about being inundated with calls from patients who survived the tantalizingly-close calamity, many of whom live three blocks away from the World Trade Center.