Tag: church of england

‘Blessed are the cheesetakers?’

Reading the Bible, one might be left with the impression that God frowns on stealing. Sure, it’s only mentioned explicitly in two out of 10 Commandments, but so’s adultery, and murder is in there only once.

It is this ambiguous language that may have lead Church of England priest, Rev. Tim Jones, to preach that it is “sometimes acceptable for desperate people to shoplift from large chain stores.”

While Robin Hood may have been set in Catholic England, it appears that Friar Tuck lives on, though not everyone is a fan. His spoken-word antics have called down the thunder of …

The British Retail Consortium!!!

Due to site language rules, we can’t quote their response, but let us assure you it was very mild-mannered and reasonably remonstrative, indeed.

Catholic Light no more

He's certainly an eighth now.Groundskeepers at St. George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle are reporting tremors.

At this point, the cause of the steady quake is unknown, but geologists have narrowed the focal point to somewhere around Henry VIII’s tomb.

They reported that the waves are undulating, which is characteristic of some sort of underground rolling motion.

When asked to comment, some Anglicans passed the blame on to homosexuals and women.

Jesus has swine flu!

BREAKING NEWS: According to top Anglican church officials, Jesus Christ has contracted the H1N1 flu virus, commonly known as the swine flu.

As a precaution, the archbishops of Canterbury and York have urged all Church of England services to stop sharing the chalice containing the little dude from Galilee’s blood during communion.

When asked about His condition, J.C. responded, “This has to be the worst thing I’ve ever gone through … and if you know Me, that says a lot.”

His Father did not return our calls.