Tagged: circumcision

| Posted in It Must Be Science!

Turtleneck season opens

Once those babies' pubes grow in, this is what 60 percent of Western penises will look like in 20 years.
Once those babies’ pubes grow in, this is what 60 percent of Western penises will look like in 20 years.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reports that the U.S. circumcision rate has dropped significantly since its all-time high in 1979. While over half of all boys born in the U.S. were circumcised, only 40 percent got shafted Western states like Arizona, California, Oregon and Washington. And you know how these trends go: what’s hip in California will be derided by old people until they die and it becomes the new normal.

So, how did we return to pre-1979 levels of peniscaping? The last time we, as a nation, had foreskin, were knee-deep in fuel shortages, an economic slump, turbulence in the Middle East and a Democrat president that gave conservatives the rage shivers. It appears that the nation has traveled in a full circle, much like the expert cutting of a mohel.

Or, we can just blame hipsters and their selective anachronisms. Look for this accusation on a cover of Time or Newsweek near you.

| Posted in Regular Post

Oprah has something on her face

Let’s be honest: Oprah probably hasn’t come in direct contact with a penis in a decade or two. But if you count her new face cream, then technically she has, because it’s made of foreskins.

Oprah Winfrey has endorsed a face cream that is made from human foreskins, and apparently the Canadian (uncut) public demands to know why. That’s why they are picketing her appearances in the country. We’re assuming that this is not yet legal in the U.S.

An informal survey of some of The Guys found that at least one of them is circumcised, so we’re, shall we say, split on this issue.

taste-test
| Posted in It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

Foreskin and seven beers ago …

The male cricumcision debate rages on in the Western world with advocates on both sides claiming a list of benefits from having a either a turtle- or crew-necked penis. (The Guys prefer a V-cut, ourselves.) And now, the American Academy of Pediactrics have weighed in … sort of.

The AAP — which is not to be confused with the American Academy of Pediatricians, a collection of right-wing lunatics with medical degrees and an unhealthy fascination with gay kids — has concluded that, yes, there are health benefits to circumcising your baby boy and that those benefits outweigh the risks of the procedure. (They did not, however, acknowledge our dissertation on there being more than one way to skin a penis.)

Just to be clear: the AAP isn’t saying that circumcised is better than not circumcised, just that it’s not as medically dangerous as opponents claim. And so ultimately, the decision as to which is better rests in the hands of the only qualified judges: straight women and gay men.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

Sticking up for your penis

Just like California Gov. Jerry Brown, The Guys would like to assure you that your penis is on our minds. And by that, we mean penis health in general.

We all know that cheating increases the risk giving your partner a scorching, dripping case of the Mondays. But, did you know that you can break your dick?

This is the subject of the most important academic paper you will ever read to your penis, just to warn it that, while it’s right about your coworkers being very attractive, it’s better to just Google porn stars that look like them later in the comfort of your masturbatorium.

Sex in uncomfortable positions and locations, such as in the office or a car, can potentially break your tunica albugineathe “bone” in your boner. Or, a better way to define these places? Anywhere your regularly scheduled sex partner isn’t.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, Picture of the Day

Why we have no bananas today

Today’s Picture of the Day comes from a very serious CBS News article about a study on circumcision, HPV and Uganda.

And while you’re there, stick around for the overly defensive anti-circumcision advocates in the comments. This is what happens when nobody wants to play with your wiener wearing a hoodie.

| Posted in Regular Post

USA! USA! USA!

Here at SG, we typically write the jokes. It’s our job, and we’re positive that the rest of the Internet sucks at it. (Screw you, ComedyCentral.com.)

Today, we’re letting this article speak for itself:

“All I knew was that circumcision is something the U.S. does and Europe doesn’t and is therefore awesome. Our penises are clean and sleek and new like Frank Gehry skyscrapers, while theirs are crumbling, ancient edifices inhabited by fat old men in hats.”