The big eyes alone make him worthy of being one

Students at the University of Mississippi have launched a campaign to replace their former Civil War era mascot, Colonel Reb, with the leader of the Rebel forces, Admiral Ackbar. But is it a trap? Officials at Ole’ Miss are leaning more towards, yes, “IT’S A TRAP!”

Oh c’mon, that was a lot of fun to say, even as someone who’s not a Star Wars geek.

Since 2003, the University of Mississippi retired Colonel Reb, the Ole Miss’ Colonel Sanders lookalike, as their on-field mascot. This year students voted on whether to begin the search for a new mascot, and surprisingly enough, the squid-eyed Supreme Commander of the Rebel fleet has garnered some serious press as a candidate, thanks in no small part to an internet campaign that went viral.

Even though there’s no chance in the world that Ole Miss’ administration will honor the vote if, in the slim chance that the good Admiral wins, the idea of him puttering around The Grove, slamming shots with Abercrombie & Fitch wearing frat boys is too ludicrously awesome for this reality.

Take it from Snee: Cosplay against Confederates

So, I’ve been reading Confederates in the Attic, in which the author–Tony Horwitz–explores the South’s enduring CSA obsession. While it delves into issues like the Confederate battle flag (which I’ve commented on before and have since changed my mind about) and the families of long-dead soldiers, the interesting parts are about the reenactors.

Unfortunately—or fortunately, depending on your perspective—there is a dearth of Union reenactors compared to Confederates, so much so that Southerners often have to pose as Yankees just to get the numbers right for battles. Apparently, people in the North don’t harp so much about a war that they won 144 years ago.

What are die-hards obsessed with a war over states’ rights [to slavery ] to do when their Northern counterparts don’t want to play along anymore?

And then I remembered a comparison I wrote over a year ago and a comment Chugs made:  reenactors are the original cosplayers. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Cosplay against Confederates

Bouncing metal is pretty historically factual

Just about everyone’s shot a gun, in some form or fashion, at some point in their life. Maybe it was a real gun. Maybe it was a fake toy gun. Maybe it was you shooting a target on your screen with a Wiimote using the virtual equivalent of a gun. Nonetheless, you shot a gun. Whether you were steady and true in your shot, that’s a different story. Me, I’ve shot my fair share of bullet based projectiles in my life, all the time with horrid attempts at accuracy.

Still, if was using a Civil War era cannon, I’d like to say that somehow I don’t think I’d be unlucky enough to make the cannonball bounce off of a hill and go through my neighbor’s house.

Comic book world comes closer to reality

Oh sure, it’s easy enough being poor and needing to panhandle-but one needs to have a license to be a super-hero? Great shades of Civil War!

But it’s true enough. Recently, two men dressed up as Superman and Batman in New York. Alas, their actions were less than heroic. Curt Swan and Marshall Rogers would be most ashamed. The World’s Finest began panhandling on Times Square, where they were approached by a female member of New York’s Finest. When asked if they had the proper identification needed to perform (to which their panhandling was considered a form of), Superman allegedly punched the officer and took off down the street (on his feet, rather than the slipstream of the air), stating “I’m not getting arrested.”

Nonetheless, a team of cops was able to take him down. We’ll call them The Superman Revenge Squad. Oh, and Batman? Not causing any problems, he was let go and proceeded to walk off with a tourist dressed as the Statue of Liberty.

Bruce Wayne: P.I.M.P.

Not exactly what we were aiming for

Fireworks were seen all over this fine country over the weekend. As we are told, the U.S. celebrated its Independence Day. And if you care, Canada celebrated their existence last week, too. (Seriously? You’re still part of the British Empire, what do you have to celebrate?)

But fireworks aren’t always a good thing, especially if you live in Congo. There, in the city of Goma, a fireworks display intended to celebrate peace that began in January made the civil war-weary city dive for cover, thinking the war had started up again. People went diving for cover upon hearing the explosions going off.

Everyone, let’s agree not to play with bubble wrap around Congo for a while, sound good?

You Missed It: Comes in threes edition

Listen folks, I’ll be honest with you. I just want to get the hell out of here. See, I’ve got a bender coming up and we all know some things just take priority over the trivial things, like work, in this crazy thing we call life. This may help you the pass time, I’m doing my best to figure out other forms of time travel. If you were busy starring in a loud movie with good and bad alien robots this week, odds are you missed it.

The King of Pop is dead, long live the King of Pop
Did you hear? Acquitted child molester and singer Michael Jackson died yesterday of what could be a heart attack. The Internet almost crashed right along with him, as many news sites reported service outages. Jackson’s death marked the third celebrity death this week. Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon preceded him. McMahon got a pretty good showing of attention, but Fawcett, famous for have blonde hair and nipples, got the shaft since she died a few hours before Jackson. Also, Walter Cronkite’s children are stubbornly insisting their father still lives.

Marriage is an important issue to GOP, fidelity not so much
South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford went AWOL this week following what was a rough session of the state legislature or something. In a Waldo-esque adventure, Sanford ditched his security detail, no one on his staff or even his wife knew where he was for days. It was then reported he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail (during naked hiking day no less). Then he turned up at a Georgia airport, returning from Argentina, where his mistress lives. Great, now we’re even exporting jobs in our nation’s sport f&%#ing industry?

United States: Leader in foot-croquet
In international news, soccer, which I am told is a sport, has been the focus of the world with the FIFA Confederations Cup tournament. In nothing short of a miracle, the U.S. team has advanced after upsetting Egypt and Spain, they now go on to face Brazil in the final round. What’s the reason behind the Americans’ success thus far? Extensive experience in winning engagements with Confederates.

Take it from Snee: Fanboys are a disease

On August 15th, yet another Star Wars prequel will be released into theaters, followed shortly thereafter by a TV series that is set between episodes three and four. (A short-lived TV series, by my wager.)

So, after three abysmal prequels–each over two hours long–there’s allegedly still too much back story left unsaid about the Rebellion against the Empire: a war that only took three decent movies to start and win. It seems ridiculous, considering we’ve already seen Darth Vader turn evil, renege on child support and correct his absentee-fatherhood after an unfortunate series of lightsaber incidents.

But no, it’s apparently not enough, because the fans still demand more context for the war to end all productive self-restraint.

Yeah, you heard me (if you didn’t read the title): George gets to sit this one out while the fanboys finally take the blame they deserve. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Fanboys are a disease

Defense #1: The walled city of Disney World

A call to arms has been sounded in Florida, and judging by the state’s population, the call will likely be answered with semi-automatic weaponry. One south Florida city is calling to secede from the Union. Well, rather, just break away from the top half of Florida to become its own state.

This will likely spark a civil war between the North and South. The South fighting for its independence, the North fighting to preserve the United State of Florida. The future of Florida hangs like a chad in the balance.

This blog can see now, the potential horrors that lie ahead: brother pitted against brother, elderly Jewish people against the tight shirt-clad Latinos. Oh, the horror. We will likely see the South appeal to Cuba and its mighty navy to assist in the fight, but the pleas will go unheeded. Meanwhile, the fighting will remain around the middle section of the state, until the North invades the South, pillaging and razing trendy night clubs as it goes.

This serves as further evidence that the Union is falling apart.

(Courtesy of Courtney P.)