I told you that nothing good comes out of Cleveland

Well, with the exception of LeBron James, nothing is of any pertinence when it comes to Cleveland. The Browns? Pff. The Cavaliers? Blah. The Indians? Yeah right. The Rock Hall of Fame? BWA-HAHAHAHAHA.

And obviously, their drivers aren’t too worthy of being known for their good driving habits.

“Only an idiot drives on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus.”

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Eat My Sports: NFL predictions edition

Bust out your Michael Vick jersey, a case of Miller Lite and prepare to gain 20 pounds, IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON! How will it all pan out? So glad you asked. My sports knowledge and ability to guestimate gives you predictions for every division, team and eventual playoff outcomes. Let’s ride.

NFC East

The NFC East was supposed to be the new “it” divisions last year, shortly before it lived up to expectations in 2008 the way Angelina Jolie tanked in Changeling. Now in 2009 the East is down to one good team, two teams that got rid of egomaniacal receivers, and the Redskins. Don’t be surprised when this team yields only one playoff bid this year.

The Call: Philadelphia Eagles 12-4

The Rest: New York Giants 9-7, Dallas Cowboys 8-8, Washington Redskins 5-11

NFC South

Another pretender division that choked like a British nanny as the weather got colder. Yes, I predicted the Saints to go to the Super Bowl last year, but injuries and NO DEFENSE prevented that. This year you have an aging Carolina squad, New Orleans’ offense, a terrible Tampa team and an Atlanta franchise that will probably get a second year hangover from Matt Ryan, I mean he is still only a year out of college, hangovers happen my friend. The bottom line is you could make an argument for any of these teams, simply because the division is so bad. So pick the least heinous person to make out with at this party, because this one isn’t pretty.

The call: Atlanta Falcons 10-6,

The rest: New Orleans Saints 8-8, Carolina Panthers 7-9, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 6-10 Continue reading Eat My Sports: NFL predictions edition

Eat My Sports: Statement game

Muhammad Ali, Jim Brown, Tommie Smith, John Carlos, Brandon Marshall.

Yeah, we know too, one of those names doesn’t belong up there with the outspoken political activists who used their respective sports as a platform for their voice. They never waited until something was over to start letting the world know what they thought. They fought for their cause during the process, not until it was decided, Brandon Marshall.

For those of you ill-informed on the sports world, Marshall is a third year wide receiver for the Denver Broncos. The Broncos played in the NFL Network’s first televised game of the year against the Cleveland Browns, two days after the election. Near the end of the game, Marshall scored what proved to be the game-winning touchdown, and wanted to pay tribute to our President elect, Barack Obama. His tribute was to pull out a separate glove from his pants (the glove was black and white), and raise his fist in the air like Smith and Carlos’ famous pose at the 1968 Summer Olympics in Mexico City. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Statement game

Eat My Sports: Sex and the NFL

I really want to write about the Red Sox this week. That old familiar feeling has come creeping around again, and my boys did it in overly dramatic fashion by finishing off the 100-win Angels with a head-first dive into home plate by Jason Bay. However, I don’t want to tempt fate by calling any of the series this week, so we’ll save it for an Eat My Sports: World Series Edition when the time comes, regardless of if it ends up with a worst case scenario for Fox execs by having a Tampa Bay vs. Philadelphia Phillies Fall Classic. For the time being though, Jed Lowrie, you rock, and Bay, just keep on rolling baby. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Sex and the NFL