I told you that nothing good comes out of Cleveland

Well, with the exception of LeBron James, nothing is of any pertinence when it comes to Cleveland. The Browns? Pff. The Cavaliers? Blah. The Indians? Yeah right. The Rock Hall of Fame? BWA-HAHAHAHAHA.

And obviously, their drivers aren’t too worthy of being known for their good driving habits.

“Only an idiot drives on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus.”

Yeah, that sounds about right.


Howard Stern is the king of all media. Howard Stern is the hero of Brian Michael Bendis. Howard Stern is a species traitor.

A radio listener of Stern’s called in and talked about one of her rescues, a French bulldog. The beast needed an operation, but the woman couldn’t afford it. Stern took to the airwaves and implored his listeners to help out. To which one of them did.

Brenda Motsco, a species traitor in the purest form vet in Ohio, emailed the show about the dog. She then drove out to Long Island, took the dog and went back to Ohio. Did she do the right thing?

Well, considering the category this post is under is “War on Animals” and the animal will be given an operation that will remove a hernia, we’ll just say no.

Howard Stern, we’re disappointed in you. With your outlandish antics, we would have assumed that the least you could do is kick the dog in the buttocks.

Fresh PR move of the day

A huge announcement was made today, which could really change the game for someone with a bit of a “Google problem.”

No, that “someone” isn’t Rick S@ntorum. Even as a comedy site, we still try to focus on viable presidential candidates. (And we’ve written about both Palin and Trump in our archives.) Plus, we’re trying to stay Safe For Work.

We’re actually talking about Cleveland, which has been trying to shake off what we assume started as an innocent reference to their carpet cleaning business. But, will this latest attempt work, and is it worth it?

Too hot to handle, too cold to hold

There’s pink water in Ohio, which as we understand it, means it’s officially spring! According to the Lake County Department of Utilities northeast of Cleveland said the water was pink because of a chemical overload, but everything was just fine.

A spokesman explained it was simply an accident, and was in no way connected with the painting of Vigo the Carpathian across town, or Vigo’s search for a baby to live inside so he can once again rule the world. Nope, it was really just potassium permanganate. Nothing to see here, folks. At least not until New Year’s Eve.

Eat My Sports: Quarterly calls

Officially past the quarter mark of the 2008 MLB season and we’ve had some surprises, some things we’ve expected and the last place Yankees. We’re going to size up the top teams in each league, then give you the one team to look out for. Us in the sporting world call this the “wild card,” look it up.

AL East
At 31-20 the newly christened Tampa Bay Rays have the best percentage mark thus far. I really like the Rays, their young talent is spry and standing tall like a seasoned porn vet. The longevity of this club to sustain season-long success isn’t going to hold though. It’s going flop like Ron Jeremy staring down a donkey. Don’t expect the Yankees to finish in the cellar, but don’t expect them to beat out Boston or Tampa either. The Rays’ pitching will falter down the stretch, and look for the Sox to take the crown, but the Rays in the wild card. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Quarterly calls

Take it from Snee: Sexually-active workers need not apply

A couple of weeks ago, I addressed how woefully inaccurate my predictions turned out for 2008. I have two responses for that:

  1. Shut up. You try predicting the future. It’s really, really hard.
  2. My vision was tainted by proximity. Predicting 2008 was like trying to read with my nose against the page.

So that is why I am continuing my series of 2028 news predictions. In twenty years, my clairvoyance will be so recognized that Suri Cruise will beg to be the new me. (By then, Scientology will be the equivalent of today’s Mormons.) Continue reading Take it from Snee: Sexually-active workers need not apply