Scientists, what do you think you’re doing? Don’t you realize what you’ve done?

Let’s backpeddle a second for all the readers catching us mid-scolding:

Scientists in Japan have successfully cloned mice after freezing the donor to death. To repeat: they’ve brought mice back from the dead. Kind of. Pretty much.

Without death, there’s no way to stop animals from eating the Earth that God fitfully gave to us, humans. In fact, now there’s plans to bring back species we wiped out, like wooly mammoths.

Look, science, you wanna see a hairy elephant? Talk to Lucasfilm. They’ll show you a furry pachyderm with adorable bandage-swathed subhumans riding them. How about that?

Just — for the love of all that is holy — stop bringing non-people back from the dead. It’s not cool.

(Heh, “not cool.” Frozen mice. Still not worth it, science.)

From Multiplying bulls

Bullfighting is probably one of the greatest sports in the world. Where else do so many people gather together to see a dangerous animal slowly and ritualistically killed? The running of the bulls is also good fun, because it teaches society that when a bull is running down the street toward you GET OUT OF THE WAY!

However, despite the bull’s many uses, it is also a threat to humanity. And despite international treaties condemning the practice, people still breed these monsters in Spain. Now, things are getting even worse, as one breeder says he wants to clone, or as they say in their country, “el clono,” a bull.

This must be stopped at once!