An entire generation of geeks has clearly finally been given the reins of all the science and technology in Japan. The space agency of the country is aiming to build a solar power station in space. Their desire? To create an orbital maser cannon a renewable resource that can be harvested a near unlimited amount of times (in the relative future).
This can only end in battles between gigantic robots. But for Pete’s sake, whatever you do, make sure Cobra Commander does not hear about this news.
We’ve had comic book movies, superhero movies, and video game movies; but G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra is something slightly different. Call it action figure filmmaking, a movie poured straight from the same mold as the ones used to create Hasbro’s legendary toys. A story ripped straight off the back of a G.I. Joe card and plopped down in front of you. The heroes are fully poseable and the bad guys are as stiff and contorted as they are evil. In fact, this sensation is almost palpable, as you can honestly feel it in every frame of Stephen Sommers’ film. It’s as if were you to remove the clothing from the movie’s characters, you’d see nothing but anatomically incorrect plastic and crudely put together ball and socket joints.
Now, G.I. Joe doesn’t have a lot going for it, at least initially. The movie’s director is, as mentioned earlier, Stephen Sommers, a man known for creating one of the worst movies in cinema history, Van Helsing. The trailers have been laughably bad at best, and quite frankly, the inclusion of work done by Kid Rock into anything is not exactly a good move. In fact, Paramount chose not to test screen the movie for critics–that’s almost always a bad sign for a movie. What’s scary is that this tale of woe and misfortune just stems from the lead-up to the movie, not the actual movie itself. So, how is the movie?
Think of that old phrase: “It’s a mystery found in an enigma, wrapped up in a conundrum.” Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra’
Hey there, everyone! Quick question time: what’s the newest breakthrough in awesome?
Mother loving jet-packs, that’s what.
Now, what’s really interesting is that the pilot comments on how controlling the thing means essentially going completely limp. That’s so really easy to do when you’re flying in the air. If you could get a helmet with a surface bleed system, so that it leaked just a tiny bit of the air across your face, you would know what heaven felt like. The only downside to the system: you need to be lifted to start the process. Oh, and Cobra Commander would totally use the technology for world domination and other wacky terrorist hi-jinx.
