California regulatory agencies declared compound 4-methylimidazole, also known as 4-MI or 4-MEI — one of the ingredients that gives cola beverages their distinctive caramel coloring — “a known carcinogen.” The classification would have forced brands like Coca-Cola and Pepsi to place a cancer warning on containers or resort to colorless colas, reigniting the Crystal Pepsi and Clear Tab Debacle of the early ’90s.
However, crisis was averted when Coke announced a formula change that will maintain their cola’s coloring while reducing the levels of 4-MI. And this is despite the company’s insistence that “the body of science about 4-MEI in foods or beverages does not support the erroneous allegations that [the Center for Science in the Public Interest] would like the public to believe.”
Historians who specialize in the period ranging from 1992 – 1993 are thankful that Coke was able to resolve this without unleashing clear colas onto an unsuspecting public once again. Now, we just have to make sure grunge remains securely in its grave.
The secret is out! Coca-Cola is people! Actually, not really. As it is, the secret behind Coke’s proprietary mixture of sugar, water, caramel color and more sugar, may have actually been exposed 32 years ago in an article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Accordingly, the 1979 article not only lists the obvious ingredients used in Coke, such as sugar, citric acid and caffeine, but also breaks down the mysterious “7X,” Coke’s most closely guarded secret. People have died for less, we assume.
So, what’s in 7X? Not cocaine, sadly fortunately. On the contrary, the reports are saying it’s a mixture of alcohol, oils from oranges, lemons and nutmeg, coriander, cinnamon, and neroli. Good luck using the information to make your own version of Coke. It lacks high-fructose corn syrup, but that doesn’t make it any easier to make it in your mom’s basement.
Who would ever think that a gigantic bulk store could be the underdog in a situation? Believe it.
CostCo has decided to stop carrying Coca-Cola products at their stores. The reason why? Coke refuses to give them a larger discount for their products. Which, given the current economic climate, is pretty important to both companies, seeing as the two would very much like to keep a strong price margin.
Guess you’ll have to find a another way to get 64 cans of Diet Coke all at one time.
The animals are now resorting to suicide missions to try and kill us. Take for example one Florida man who thought he was going to be enjoying a refreshing Pepsi, only to get Pepsi’s limited release “Dismembered Frog Series.”
The animals are trying to choke us, and are willing to die themselves in the process. God only knows what they’ve done to our Coca-Cola factories.