You Missed It: Pop culture edition

It’s not whitewashing, it’s airbrushing.

I really don’t care about the pregnant giraffe. I don’t understand how it even went viral in the first place. Everyone loves baby animals, but not that many people actually want to see said baby animals being born live via webcam. In terms of cultural things I just don’t see the appeal of, this is up there with the Dave Matthews Band, reality television and basketball. If you were busy breaking it off with Aaron Rodgers this week, odds are you missed it.

White girl solves racism
This week, Pepsi released an ad that featured noted young rich person Kendall Jenner joining a crowd of protesters holding signs reading “Join the Conversation!” and giving a police officer a can of Pepsi. The ad was criticized for trivializing the Black Lives Matter movement to sell sugar water. Executives were shocked that a crowd of diverse stereotypes, music, and a message so general it’s meaningless didn’t work. After all, it worked for Coke 46 years ago.

Rickles dies 50 years later than average for comics
Comedy legend Don Rickles died on Thursday at the age of 90. He is being mourned by the standup comedy community, and remembered as a comedian perhaps the last of his kind. But the real question is, who thought it was a good idea to book him at that Syrian air base?

More scripted fun with Jimmy Fallon
This week, Universal Orlando held the grand opening for a ride based on Jimmy Fallon and The Tonight Show. The ride is described as a jaunt through New York City, but no matter how fast he goes, Fallon just can’t seem to catch Stephen Colbert.

The McBournie Minute: Drinking the cola

Late last week, a blog post about drinking soda went viral. I don’t know how Facebook curates its tending news stories list, but for some reason, the site thought I’d be interested in reading about it. Normally, I avoid blog posts about nutrition, weight loss and stuff like that, because they’re all written by kooks with clear agendas. There’s no reason to believe unsupported health claims made by someone writing for something like Vegan Heroes Against GMO than if they were writing about how Obama is the devil for Libertarian Tea Party Bald Eagles United.

But typically stories like that are posted by the friends you avoid having conversations with for good reason. This one was in that Facebook news feed thing, which doesn’t mean it’s more credible, but it at least means a lot of people are reading it, so I decided to check it out.

Hoo boy, was it informative. Let’s break this one down. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Drinking the cola

The McBournie Minute: The official soft drink of knee-jerk reactions

If you’re watching something on TV, there’s a strong chance that it doesn’t actually matter. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean that the masses won’t have strong opinions about it, anyway. One example is the Super Bowl. It’s a game that pretty much only happens in the U.S., and even less relevant are the commercials that play during it. A couple years ago, Clint Eastwood told America to get off its ass (he later went on to talk to imaginary people). Michael Jordan and Larry Bird once played an epic game of horse. This year, Coca-Cola made Pepsi the drink of racists.

Even though I get obsessed with commercials, I was hoping to avoid writing about Super Bowl ads. Everyone with a keyboard writes about the good and bad ones with their own subjective rating scales. No one is convinced by what they read, they’ve already made up their minds. But a lot of people aired out their phobias on the internet last night, so here we are.

We learned last night that Peyton Manning may not be all that great after all, and that we’re supposed to sing songs in one language at a time. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The official soft drink of knee-jerk reactions

Cocaine is a helluva disease

I’ve heard from people both famous and not famous that getting high on cocaine is a fantastic high. Life feels amazing, you feel great and people look better. Sure, the come down is rough, but when the high is that great, what could make you want to not do the drug?

A flesh-eating disease would usually rank as one of the options, at least, I would think.

Said disease has begun appearing in outbreaks in New York and Los Angeles. It’s being reported that the cocaine is being mixed with levamisole, a drug normally used by vets to treat farm animals, and thanks to the skin-rotting effects of the drug, users are seeing their skin turn black with dying skin. Oh, and one last wonderful tidbit: over 80 percent of the country’s coke supply has the veterinarian drug in it. So there’s that.

Snort well, people.

Coke and porn stars only funny when implied?

Now that Egypt’s Jasmine Revolution is over as far as Americans are concerned, we can resume our focus on domestic issues. And that domestic issue is Charlie Sheen.

In the latest chapter of what will undoubtably fill future history books, Chuck Lorre–creator of Two and a Half Men–has called Sheen out in those two-second long screens at the end of his shows’ credits. With shooting on hiatus until Sheen gets his porn star and coke habit in control, Lorre wrote that he will be pissed if Sheen outlives him.

Seriously? A show is on hold because the lead actor in a show loosely based on his actual life because of porn stars and coke? Just move the cameras to his house and start taping off the cuff. The kid’s old enough for his own Valtrex prescription, so let’s dump with the innuendo and make Jon Cryer really uncomfortable on set.

It’s gotta be more interesting than whatever Kardashians do.

Always 7X Cola

The secret is out! Coca-Cola is people! Actually, not really. As it is, the secret behind Coke’s proprietary mixture of sugar, water, caramel color and more sugar, may have actually been exposed 32 years ago in an article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Accordingly, the 1979 article not only lists the obvious ingredients used in Coke, such as sugar, citric acid and caffeine, but also breaks down the mysterious “7X,” Coke’s most closely guarded secret. People have died for less, we assume.

So, what’s in 7X? Not cocaine, sadly fortunately. On the contrary, the reports are saying it’s a mixture of alcohol, oils from oranges, lemons and nutmeg, coriander, cinnamon, and neroli. Good luck using the information to make your own version of Coke. It lacks high-fructose corn syrup, but that doesn’t make it any easier to make it in your mom’s basement.

Don’t ever expect CostCola

Who would ever think that a gigantic bulk store could be the underdog in a situation? Believe it.

CostCo has decided to stop carrying Coca-Cola products at their stores. The reason why? Coke refuses to give them a larger discount for their products. Which, given the current economic climate, is pretty important to both companies, seeing as the two would very much like to keep a strong price margin.

Guess you’ll have to find a another way to get 64 cans of Diet Coke all at one time.

No matter who loses …

… we barbecuers of the world still win.

I call dibs on the body of the loser!

Boxing is serious business. Worldwide, it’s highly marketable-just ask Coca-cola and Pepsi. The two soda giants have set up camp and attempted to sink their claws into the newest hot boxer, Worapoj Phetkum. Yes Alex, they want Thai hot. Both companies have begun heavy negotiations and camping with the man.

Phetkum has yet to have a boxing match yet, mind you.

But all that’s set to change-he’s in the Olympics! Yes, Phetkum takes on Italy this Friday. It’s not just a winner-take-all match; the winner gets an Olympic medal. The loser gets to go home empty-handed.

Oh, and by the way, I’m talking about Pepsi and Coca-cola.

Bet this Wal-Mart doesn’t have a Cost Cutters

Speaking of ethnic stereotypes, Wal-Mart has customized its Dearborn, MI location to cater to the large Arab-American population there.

It’s the same old Wal-Mart, but with some Middle-Eastern touches.  Instead of greeting shoppers with “Have a nice day,” greeters say “Salaam.”  The deli replaced cole slaw with humus.  And, of course, the NASCAR driver endorsements are gone.

Remember, it’s easier to buy the world a Coke when they’re two six-packs for $2.