Tag: coke

Cocaine is a helluva disease

I’ve heard from people both famous and not famous that getting high on cocaine is a fantastic high. Life feels amazing, you feel great and people look better. Sure, the come down is rough, but when the high is that great, what could make you want to not do the drug?

A flesh-eating disease would usually rank as one of the options, at least, I would think.

Said disease has begun appearing in outbreaks in New York and Los Angeles. It’s being reported that the cocaine is being mixed with levamisole, a drug normally used by vets to treat farm animals, and thanks to the skin-rotting effects of the drug, users are seeing their skin turn black with dying skin. Oh, and one last wonderful tidbit: over 80 percent of the country’s coke supply has the veterinarian drug in it. So there’s that.

Snort well, people.

Coke and porn stars only funny when implied?

Now that Egypt’s Jasmine Revolution is over as far as Americans are concerned, we can resume our focus on domestic issues. And that domestic issue is Charlie Sheen.

In the latest chapter of what will undoubtably fill future history books, Chuck Lorre–creator of Two and a Half Men–has called Sheen out in those two-second long screens at the end of his shows’ credits. With shooting on hiatus until Sheen gets his porn star and coke habit in control, Lorre wrote that he will be pissed if Sheen outlives him.

Seriously? A show is on hold because the lead actor in a show loosely based on his actual life because of porn stars and coke? Just move the cameras to his house and start taping off the cuff. The kid’s old enough for his own Valtrex prescription, so let’s dump with the innuendo and make Jon Cryer really uncomfortable on set.

It’s gotta be more interesting than whatever Kardashians do.

Always 7X Cola

The secret is out! Coca-Cola is people! Actually, not really. As it is, the secret behind Coke’s proprietary mixture of sugar, water, caramel color and more sugar, may have actually been exposed 32 years ago in an article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Accordingly, the 1979 article not only lists the obvious ingredients used in Coke, such as sugar, citric acid and caffeine, but also breaks down the mysterious “7X,” Coke’s most closely guarded secret. People have died for less, we assume.

So, what’s in 7X? Not cocaine, sadly fortunately. On the contrary, the reports are saying it’s a mixture of alcohol, oils from oranges, lemons and nutmeg, coriander, cinnamon, and neroli. Good luck using the information to make your own version of Coke. It lacks high-fructose corn syrup, but that doesn’t make it any easier to make it in your mom’s basement.

Don’t ever expect CostCola

Who would ever think that a gigantic bulk store could be the underdog in a situation? Believe it.

CostCo has decided to stop carrying Coca-Cola products at their stores. The reason why? Coke refuses to give them a larger discount for their products. Which, given the current economic climate, is pretty important to both companies, seeing as the two would very much like to keep a strong price margin.

Guess you’ll have to find a another way to get 64 cans of Diet Coke all at one time.

No matter who loses …

… we barbecuers of the world still win.

I call dibs on the body of the loser!

Boxing is serious business. Worldwide, it’s highly marketable-just ask Coca-cola and Pepsi. The two soda giants have set up camp and attempted to sink their claws into the newest hot boxer, Worapoj Phetkum. Yes Alex, they want Thai hot. Both companies have begun heavy negotiations and camping with the man.

Phetkum has yet to have a boxing match yet, mind you.

But all that’s set to change-he’s in the Olympics! Yes, Phetkum takes on Italy this Friday. It’s not just a winner-take-all match; the winner gets an Olympic medal. The loser gets to go home empty-handed.

Oh, and by the way, I’m talking about Pepsi and Coca-cola.

Bet this Wal-Mart doesn’t have a Cost Cutters

Speaking of ethnic stereotypes, Wal-Mart has customized its Dearborn, MI location to cater to the large Arab-American population there.

It’s the same old Wal-Mart, but with some Middle-Eastern touches.  Instead of greeting shoppers with “Have a nice day,” greeters say “Salaam.”  The deli replaced cole slaw with humus.  And, of course, the NASCAR driver endorsements are gone.

Remember, it’s easier to buy the world a Coke when they’re two six-packs for $2.