Sharks no match for “bomb cyclone”

It’s winter here in the Northern Hemisphere, which means we don’t talk about sharks too much. Many of them have gone to warmer waters to eat those tasty Southern Hemispherians. But we’ve got good news out of Massachusetts: the sharks can’t handle the cold.

Remember the end of Jaws when Chief Brody blows up the the monster shark’s head by shooting the air tank in its mouth (spoiler alert)? The “bomb cyclone” is basically the air tank in this case. A frozen shark has washed up in Cape Cod, it’s the fourth such found over the past week or so. They have all been Thresher sharks, which are known as the wusses of the sea. Local researchers believe a pack of these sharks got caught in Cape Cod Bay and “couldn’t stand the wicked cold temprachas.”

So while you dig yourself out of the storm, think about the warm beaches and sharkless waters you’ll enjoy come summer time.

Police finally cracking down on Elsa impersonators

The Hanahan Police Department managed to promote Frozen, a local business that hires out princesses for children's parties and breast cancer awareness in one mildly inappropriate photo.
Hey, officer! If it’s soooo cold, maybe you should put some sleeves on rather than take weird bondage fantasy photos with former debutantes in pink handcuffs.

Law enforcement¬†in Hanahan, South Carolina have finally begun cracking down on the latest vermin to infest our malls, parks and other public spaces: creepy chicks dressed as Elsa the Snow Queen from Disney’s Frozen.

Granted, the Hanahan Police Chief did it as a stunt to make people in South Carolina feel better about cold temperatures (and living in South Carolina), but we hope this is only the beginning of a larger national trend.

Ladies, this is all about gender equality. If it’s creepy for a guy to dress up as popular characters so that other people’s kids will hug him, then it’s also weird when women do it, too.