This is an emergency SeriouslyGuys Bulletin. Please drop whatever you are doing (picking your belly-button lint) and pay close attention. Your life may depend on this news.
SeriouslyGuys has just discovered from CNN that college students are revealing their relationship statuses on Facebook, an open online forum that anyone can access. Users can list themselves as “single,” “in a relationship with,” “engaged to,” “married to” or even “it’s complicated with.”
The last option, “it’s complicated,” is the most alarming because it encourages uncommitted relationships with multiple people. We all know that polygamy, homosexuality and beastiality are destroying society, and it’s not fair that college students are allowed to do that.
It’s a mystery how this Facebook feature, which has been part of the social network since it launched, has escaped CNN’s notice for so long. What’s next? Creating cults about pasta that users can join? Fortunately, it’s never too late to talk to your kids about the perils of moral ambivilance on the Internet.
Once again, godless scientists are actively attempting to undermine our efforts to win hearts and minds in the War on Animals.