The McBournie Minute: The official soft drink of knee-jerk reactions

If you’re watching something on TV, there’s a strong chance that it doesn’t actually matter. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean that the masses won’t have strong opinions about it, anyway. One example is the Super Bowl. It’s a game that pretty much only happens in the U.S., and even less relevant are the commercials that play during it. A couple years ago, Clint Eastwood told America to get off its ass (he later went on to talk to imaginary people). Michael Jordan and Larry Bird once played an epic game of horse. This year, Coca-Cola made Pepsi the drink of racists.

Even though I get obsessed with commercials, I was hoping to avoid writing about Super Bowl ads. Everyone with a keyboard writes about the good and bad ones with their own subjective rating scales. No one is convinced by what they read, they’ve already made up their minds. But a lot of people aired out their phobias on the internet last night, so here we are.

We learned last night that Peyton Manning may not be all that great after all, and that we’re supposed to sing songs in one language at a time. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The official soft drink of knee-jerk reactions

The McBournie Minute: The most annoying pre-Super Bowl ads

One of the worst things about our civilization is advertising. It’s been around pretty much as long as humanity has. It’s supposed to be eye-catching first and informative second, but today, it’s really just more annoying than anything. Perhaps because we see them over and over again.

I’m known for yelling at my TV, sober or not, because I don’t like being lied to and most commercials are terrible liars. The thing is, I don’t even realize I’m doing it sometimes. Critiquing commercials is apparently a weird hobby of mine, and since I’ve been watching a lot of football, I’ve seen a lot of the same crap commercials. They aren’t even Super Bowl commercials.

So here are the commercials that are annoying the crap out of me right now. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The most annoying pre-Super Bowl ads

Take it from Snee: Super Bowl commericals are for idiots

It’s the week of the Super Bowl, which translates into a week of hype.

  1. Will Bret Favre congratulate Aaron Rodgers if he wins?!
  2. Does another championship ring make up Ben Roethlisberger’s off-season indiscretions?!  (If he does it again this year, does he have to win another Super Bowl to avoid jail time, or will a mere playoff appearance do?)
  3. Will the defense of either team show up this week?!
  4. Which company will put out the commercial of the year?!

If you asked number four, then congratulations: you’re an idiot. If you’re paid to answer number 4, then you are a hack and should be forced to wear a frilly dress the next time you go to a bar with more than one television on the wall.

What’s that? You don’t think that assessment is fair? Read on to find out why you’re a tool, chump. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Super Bowl commericals are for idiots

WE DON’T SEE THE PROBLEM OURSELVES

ARE YOU TIRED OF HAVING TO FIDDLE WITH THE VOLUME ON A TELEVISION EVERY TWENTY MINUTES OUT OF SIXTY? DO YOU FIND YOURSELF CONSTANTLY BEING TIRED OF THE LOUDER THAN NORMAL TELEVISION ADS AND COMMERCIALS, ESPECIALLY ONES OF THE LOCAL VARIETY? JUST WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THEM?

WELL BUDDY, CONGRESS UNDERSTANDS YOUR PAIN AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP YOU OUT.

The McBournie Minute: Take your smutty pills elsewhere, bub!

Rep. Jim Moran, D-Va., is my representative in the House of Representatives of these here United States of America. I’m really not sure if I voted for him, when I was in the voting booth I just voted for women and and guys whose names sounded ethnic-y. But if I did vote for Moran, due to some confusion on my part that he was Hispanic, I am proud I made the informed vote.

The distinguished gentlemen from the Commonwealth of Virginia is taking a stand against one of the most pressing issues our country faces today. You guessed it: erectile dysfunction ads.

Since the late 1990s, these ads have been plaguing America. They were subtle then, because we were all naive–that and Viagra had a corner on the market. But a few years back, Cialis, Levitra (from the Latin root “levitat,” to make rise) and others came on the scene. Suddenly, there was market competition, which meant one thing: scrap the subtleties and innuendos, throw Bob Dole out the window and start beating Americans over the head with what their product will do. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Take your smutty pills elsewhere, bub!