Tag: Coney Island

Art imitates life, life imitates Seinfeld

Kids, we’re not quite out of the recession yet. Oh sure, you might argue with me and say that we are. Jobs are up in some areas of the country! We’re spending more and returning less! Unemployment could be worse! Words ending in exclamation marks!

Erroneous.

I only need to give you but one bit of evidence: Coney Island can only give but so much toilet paper to its toilets.

It’s bad enough that a person can only get single-ply toilet paper in public restrooms, but to have to ration what little amount that they can use in a stall? It gives me the heebie-jeebies.

On the plus side, hey ladies, now you’ll learn how to condition your bladders.

Worst. Controversy. EVER.

Nathan’s annual hot dog eating contest is the undisputed brass ring for all competitive eaters, but lo and behold, controversy has arrived. Controversy! Major League Eating (yes, it’s a real thing), the people behind the July 4 contest, decided to split the event into men’s and women’s brackets; however, the grand prize purse for the women’s title was just one-fourth of what was offered to the men: $2,500 for the ladies, $10,000 for men. Controversy!

After an uproar regarding the prize disparity arose, Nathan’s changed their tune, and will now offer $10,000 to both the male and female winner of the contest. Not controversial at all!

First we give them the vote, then allow them to drive and now women get paid to win eating contests? Man, we men can’t get anything for ourselves anymore.

Kobayashi crashes contest; can’t cut competition

Now that was a tricky headline to come up with.

Takeru Kobayashi, infamous former champion of the Coney Island hot dog eating contests, crashed this year’s contest. Why “crash,” you say? Because he wasn’t even in the contest. In fact, an American won it this year. U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!

But really, that’s not important. What is important are the word nuggets found in the article:

Competitive eater Joey “Jaws” Chestnut

Major League Eating — the fast food equivalent of the NFL

Kobayashi, wearing a black T-shirt that said “Free Kobi,”

According to local lore, immigrants arguing about who was most patriotic settled their dispute by testing who could eat more franks.

“New York is a jewel built on the dream of greatness, and that same dream is driving every competitive eater.”

America-F Yeah.