Tag: conservative

Santorum reminds swing voters he’s Republican

Former Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum delivered a speech at the Values Voters Summit in Washington, DC on Saturday. He made sure to remind potential swing voters that, despite the Gov. Romney’s economics-only campaign, Rick Santorum is also one of the faces of the Republican party, and without his pet issues, there is no conservative movement.

And just in case some of you “economic conservatives and libertarian types” disagree, Santorum called you out specifically. Like that girl you forgot to call back, he wanted you to remember that it took Bible-thumping, praying-the-gay-away conservatives like Santorum to deliver the 2000, 2004 and 2010 elections to Republicans.

Santorum promised he will continue to do as much as he can to make sure the GOP remains the party that “will never have the elite, smart people on our side,” by dancing loudly and furiously in the limelight.

Also appearing was Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, who reminded the country that the most important imaginary issues are still

“calling a Christmas tree a Christmas tree. [Also:] not being afraid to salute the flag, wear a flag pin, say the Pledge of Allegiance, and sing the National Anthem, unashamed, with a tear in our eye.”

You can blame the media, which Santorum did, but the The New York Times didn’t elect these guys to office.

People in glass bathhouses

Rick S@ntorum,* whose three-step policy plan consists of:

Step One: Banning homosexuality and abortion with federal laws.

Step Two: […]

Step Three: Profit!

launched an attack on Herman Cain’s conservatism today after Pizza Godfather Cain told CNN that — while he personally disagrees with abortion and would carry any baby inside of him to term — he would not allow that opinion to dictate policy if he were elected president.

“The government shouldn’t be trying to tell people everything to do, especially when it comes to social decisions that they need to make,” said Cain.

S@ntorum pounced onto that, telling the Associated Press that Cain is misleading voters about his conservative credentials:

“It’s basically the position that just about every pro-choice politician has in America. I don’t know too many pro-choice politicians who are for abortion, who want more abortions … but they say the decision is a choice the government shouldn’t be involved in.”

We asked an even more conservative person about S@ntorum’s comments, and he felt that Rick, too, is misleading voters about his conservative credentials. He pointed out that S@ntorum has yet to speak out against shellfish, campaigning on Sundays and tolerating the sight of menstruating women.

*SeriouslyGuys.com has a “zero profanity” posting policy in an effort to keep our inanity safe for work.

Maybe number 5, letter ‘p’ can foot CPB bill

Do you smell that? In the air? No, it’s not (just) leftover Astroglide from yesterday’s Valentine’s celebrations. It’s the aroma of pennies being saved and earned in this year’s round of budget cuts!

The President has his plan, but Republicans have theirs; and theirs includes killing Sesame Street or at least forcing the simpler speaking Muppets into a voucher program. House Republicans want PBS, and NPR, off the government dole for what they perceive as over 40 years of unchecked liberal picture-moving.

You know what? They’re kind of right. PBS never really went out of their way to program shows that pander to conservatives. Maybe tax dollars shouldn’t help fund their programming if they ignore half of the political population.

And, so long as we’re trimming the politically-biased fat off of our pork, then perhaps it’s also time to eliminate churches’ tax-free status. After all, they cater almost exclusively to conservatives and even tell their donors how to vote.

Inter-Web solves all conservative problems!

The Internet is like the universe: nobody has seen the whole thing, and anyone claiming to know exactly what’s out there is trying to sell you something.

So, when it was announced that political conservatives were starting their own “Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr,” we knew this would be a hoot.

Ricochet (not to be confused with the chain of gay rod and gun clubs) will become an online home for conservatives by conservatives like Peter Robinson, who believes the “left outweighs the right-wing in cyberspace.”

We’re not sure exactly how anybody measures that sort of statement, considering that people of all political stripes use (or are at least invited to use) Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr, each of which are distinctly different from each other unless you only know them as buzzwords. Or, do they mean it in the Fox News-sense where  it’s not fair to conservatives if there is any liberal involvement whatsoever?

(Special thanks to Alexis for the story.)

Spider-Man: Does whatever a libruhl can

Following Sarah Palin’s attack on the media … to the media, other unfortunate GOP mouthpieces are tripping over their shoelaces to cry about unfair tactics.

The latest big nasty libruhl elitist? The Amazing Spider-Man.

Debbie Schlussel attacked the decidedly campy inauguration issue, where Spidey foils a plot by the Chameleon to ruin Obama’s big day, as “[embodying] their far-left ideology.” He almost got away with saving the President, if it wasn’t for “the fist bump!”

Look, folks, let’s get something straight here: they’re absolutely right. (Not just rightist.)

The news media is all written by one person, Al Peterson. (Notice the eerie similarity to Al Qaeda?) Al writes for all news media publications out there. If it doesn’t attack conservatives, then it’s not a news piece … because Al didn’t write it.

The same goes for comic books. All those writing credits and different publications are just a front for one actual comic book writer, and boy oh boy, does he hate Republicans. Sure, every president since FDR has been saved by every comic book superhero, but it’s all in how they do it.

For instance, it’s pretty cool to be saved by Spider-Man and be called a hero. It’s not so cool to be saved by Aquaman, who then asks you for cab fare back to the coast. (You know, because your economic policies failed.)

So, if you’ve been personally insulted today by news you didn’t want to read, chances are you’re a conservative, and yes, we will feel your pain. (Pussy.)

Update to ‘Pip pip, cheerio and all that ultra conservative behavior’

In more “we won!” news, It looks like London is changing their mind on that “no naked goddess in the subway” rule and will now allow the “overtly sexual” Venus painting to be displayed on tube advertisements. How gracious of them. You know what’s funny, though? Using the word “tube” when talking about 16-century paintings of naked goddesses.

(Once again, both links might be Not Safe For Work, but it all depends on your employers … or your host country. England, I’m looking at you.)