It’s the gift that eventually stops giving

Hey, married people!

  • Do you live in or near Southfield, Michigan (and only in Michigan)?
  • Do you believe in the Chris Brown philosophy of relationships?
  • Do you and your spouse hate each other with the fury of a thousand suns?
  • Do you think dating someone else would be preferable to the situation you’re in now?
  • Do you want to save some money?
  • Are you really good with the written word?

Then you need to contact the Law Offices of Walter H. Bentley III, PLLC now. One lucky couple will be given a divorce, no fees required. Act fast!

If only there were a way to quickly convey a message on transportation …

The Arizona Department of Transportation has a problem: a population that lacks haboob awareness. They want to encourage drivers to pull over and let the infamous dust storms (What did you think a haboob is?) pass.

Fortunately, Arizona knows the secret to learning and retaining new facts: haikus. You know, like when you had to remember the order of the planets and your teacher taught you the Planet Order Haiku?

Mercury, Venus,
Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn,
Neptune and Pluto.

See? Way easier to remember than the individual names of the planets and their position in the solar system.


I can’t stress to you just how Not Safe For Work the link for this story is, and as such, if you click on it at work, you will be fired.

I warn you about it now. Do you understand me?

To repeat, as there will almost no people able to read this story initially, as if they click on the link, they will be fired. The link comes from a news source, but there is glorious rampant nudity in the main image. As such, allow me to sum up the story for you: Ukrainian feminists are fighting sex tourism through nudity.

Yes, you just read that. That is sound logic that SG agrees with.

Again, the link is highly Not Safe For Work. Click at your own risk. You have been warned.

Time travel challenge accepted!

Two weeks ago, SeriouslyGuys issued a challenge to time travelers in a Take it from Snee Lightning Round:

“I like to imagine Hitler’s final days being in a bunker not (just) because of the Russians, but because a future Web site launches a time traveling contest to see who can kill him the most creatively. To claim the prize, your presubmitted demise must make the newspapers afterwards. Making it look like a suicide doesn’t count.

(Did I just launch this contest back in 2010? Perhaps, if you’re thinking fourth dimensionally!)”

We already have an entry.

Unfortunately, the evidence is from 1923, not 1945, so it’s clearly not an attempt on Hitler’s life with  a rolled-up iPad–

UNLESS! Unless she’s actually trying to kill him before he becomes a nuisance! Quick, check History’s This Day In History! Is there an entry for World War II?

Nevermind. Look, eager young time cadets: if you’re not going to take this seriously, then we’re just going to start railing against time travel again. Now quit star-f@%king, and start star-bludgeoning!

(With special thanks to Mr. Groonk.)

Take it from Snee: Lightning Round Never Sleeps

I’m pooped. Not to dredge up too much boring domestic crap, but my entire apartment is in shambles from buying new bedroom furniture. On the pro side, there’s a mirror in my bedroom now. On the con side: my wife wouldn’t let me install it on the ceiling.

So, here are a few thoughts I had while cursing through my teeth. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Lightning Round Never Sleeps

Take it from Snee: A few more things

As I established last “lightning round,” there are certain thoughts I have that don’t really make an entire Take it from Snee. They’re just ideas I save up from stories I read and, when the week’s particularly slow, I just ejaculate them into one gonzo post.

So, enjoy my brain ejaculations.

I promise to avoid your hair and those pants that are dry clean only. But you’re on your own for your eyes. You don’t like this? Keep ’em shut. Continue reading Take it from Snee: A few more things