The (Entertainment) Empire Strikes Back against adult children

"Don't tell security I'm packin', ha-ha!"
“Don’t tell security I’m packin’, ha-ha!”

Walt Disney World in Orlando, FL, might be the most recognized place for making adults feel young again, but they’ve about had it with certain childish behaviors.

After a grown man tried to enter the Magic Kingdom with his gun last week, Disney announced that it will no longer allow any toy guns in its park and will stop selling them in shops within. So, if you feel a childish, powerless need to defend yourself with guns, real or make-believe, you’ll have to go somewhere else. (Also, there are now zero reasons to go to Frontierland from here on out.)

However, the most striking change to Disney World’s policies is a ban on guests over the age of 14 (or adults) wearing costumes. This includes even their annual Halloween party and events centered around the new Star Wars film this week. To be fair, though, Sexy Yoda does kind of put a damper on the Happiest Place on Earth.

You Missed It: Worth it edition

R.I.P., Ron.
R.I.P., Ron.

I’m not really a big Halloween guy. It’s not because I’m in my 30s and its a little weird for people my age to dress up in costumes. I’ve been this way at least since high school. When I was a kid, Halloween was great. I got to wear a costume of my choosing, I got tons of candy, and there were pumpkins to carve. Now it just seems like a hassle. Finding a costume is the problem. Either you make one yourself by shopping around, or you pay a ton for a crappy pre-made thing. I always look forward to the day after Halloween so I can read about all the people who wore clearly inappropriate costumes. If you were busy claiming you had sex with Prince this week, odds are you missed it.

WHO ruins everything for everyone
The World Health Organization released a report this week linking processed meats, such as ham, bacon and hot dogs, with colon and stomach cancer. A second report release found that about two-thirds of people under 50 have some form of herpes. But really, who cares? If the internet’s bacon craze is any indicator, we’re all going to die of cancer in a few years.

Racing Johnny Carson would be better
It was announced this week that Universal Studios Orlando will open a ride featuring Jimmy Fallon in 2017. The move is seen as corporate synergy at its best. The ride is supposed to be a race with the Tonight Show host through the streets of New York, but probably with less profanity than the real thing. Like the show, all the “spontaneous” moments will have been choreographed, and no one will think Fallon is funnier than he will. Just try not to fall down and hurt yourself, Jimmy.

Wrestling moves in our schools
This week, a school resource officer in South Carolina was caught on video throwing a teenage student out of her chair when she refused to leave a classroom. And a video at a school in California showed a large student fight, during which the principal is body slammed. Man, Michelle Obama’s Let Move campaign is really connecting with kids.

Osaka its killing its mascots

Japan: Our xenophobic, sexist, tentacle-obsessed partners in peace. They also suffer from mascot overpopulation.

There’s a mascot for basically everything in Japan, from types of food to good causes, to just plain areas of the country. The prefecture of Osaka has 45 mascots alone (which is somehow worse than even Major League Baseball), and it has decided it’s time to cull the herd. There are so damn many of these fluffy, costumed characters in one area that people have trouble keeping track of them all, much less remembering what they are trying to support.

So kudos to Japan for trying to make itself just a little less creepy.

The McBournie Minute: The fine line between creepy and creepy

Halloween is always kind of hit-or-miss for me. Either I’m into it that year, or I more or less act like it doesn’t exist. There are years when I’m thinking about my costume weeks in advanced, and then there are years where I wonder if I can just ignore the trick-or-treaters at the door and keep the candy for myself.

I have no idea what I did last year, which probably means I did nothing. So it made sense that this year would be the opposite. Fellow Guy Rick Snee and his wife, SG webmistress Julie, hosted a costume party at their place over the weekend. It got bloody, it got creepy, I drank something out of a test tube I hope was alcohol, and someone brought a bottle of absinthe. In other words, it was an all-around success.

But at what point do you reach the age where dressing up doesn’t feel right anymore? Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The fine line between creepy and creepy

Can’t mask foolishness

Just a reminder: superheroes have super powers.

The people dressing up in costumes and performing citizens’ arrests could be considered “heroes” … at most.

(This, of course, is not the first time we’ve discussed this recent vigilante phenomenon.)

Now, if only there were some crime-fighting organization with uniforms and specialized gadgets that these people could join — if only!

Willy-nilly silly old bear

We’ve all been here, haven’t we?: You dress up in a Winnie-the-Pooh costume with a couple of your friends (dressed as a mouse and a panther, of course) when some people start laughing at you for going out like that in person. You get so mad at them that you kick the crap out of them and take their wallets.

This story, practically as old as time itself, happened to a 20-year old in Japan recently according to police. Sure, one could blame the fact that he was wearing a costume as grounds to laugh, but who is the real culprit here. We all know who is at fault: Pooh. Without Pooh’s harmful influence, this man might not be facing criminal charges. His cries of “Oh, bother!” and incessant honey eating have been degrading children generation after generation. Let’s not forget that he is, in fact, a bear, or that his best friend, Piglet, has a tao, whatever that is.

Yes, this blog snickered at the word, “Pooh.”

The McBournie Minute: Dressing up for movies is redundant

As we saw over the weekend, the youth of America are not only enthusiastic about movies they have been anticipating for months and months, but they are incredibly huge dorks. It’s a rare occurrence, but every now and then, there is a movie sequel that comes out that fans are so enthused about, they are determined to go see the movie opening night–dressed up as their favorite characters.

Folks, this isn’t Halloween. We know you really, really like Batman, but you look like a fool. What is worse is that now I can’t see over your stupid cowl or your oompa-loompa green wig. But let’s not pick on just The Dark Knight crowd. Any movie that has some sort of a cult following will inevitably have those cult members go out in public and declare their cult membership by dressing up as Gandalf the wizard. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Dressing up for movies is redundant

Virgina Tech students continue their rampages

Be on the lookout for armed Hokies!So a couple of Penn State students are receiving death threats for …

[Pausing for full affect of irony]

wearing costumes consisting of Virginia Tech clothes with bullet holes.

Yes, VT students are upset that someone at Penn State has moved on with life rather than milk victimhood indefinitely. These perennial victims of shootings, carbon monoxide, gravity and Frank Beamer are issuing death threats to these students over Facebook, where the images were uploaded.

The funniest response is from apparently unnamed “Penn State officials”:

    “We are appalled that these individuals would display this level of insensitivity, indifference and lack of common decency and sense by dressing up in this manner,” officials told the Roanoke station. “These two people do not represent 90,000 Penn State students. They represent themselves.”

So what they’re saying is that two students don’t represent 90,000, but 32 represents 25,000+? Or how about the one Tech student out of 25,000+, as these threats indicate?