Tag: crash

Predictable consequences ride in the sidecar

See if you can guess where this is going. A helmet-less motorcyclist who was part of a protest against helmet laws:

a) Successfully navigated the roads designated for the route, striking a blow for liberty and proving to all that helmets only protect your virginity.

b) Hit a bump the wrong way, recovered and wondered what could have happened had he fallen without a helmet and made a mental note for future decisions.

c) Donated his brains to the Western New York pavement in an accident that doctors say would not have been fatal had he been wearing a helmet.

If you said c, you’re correct and can probably guess how Ohio’s new guns in bars law will turn out.

Honda of Jupiter had no comment on the matter

Toyota vehicles have been having a problem with sudden, uncontrollable acceleration lately. It’s been variously attributed to faulty circuits and driver error, but the real culprit might be radiation from beyond the skies. Woooo, oooooOOOOoooo, woooo.

Every day, the Earth is bombarded with trace amounts of radiation from space, though it poses no direct harm to you and me, but the radiation has been known to cause glitches in circuitry, including the kind found in airplane navigation systems. And now, Toyota is looking into the possibility that the same radiation might be causing their cars to speed out of control.

An anonymous tipster contacted the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration to let them know that Toyota might be using software that’s unusually susceptible to ambient radiation. A body of published scientific work lends some credence to this theory, so federal regulators are now talking about devising a test to check Toyota’s radiation immunity.

Toyota maintains that radiation has nothing to do with the sudden-acceleration phenomenon. Thus far, the official and most widely accepted story is that something’s wrong with the car’s hardware or software—wiring, circuitry, something like that. Still, we at SG kind of like the cosmic radiation angle, if only to see four Corollas randomly gain superpowers.

A Microsoft product didn’t work?!

In an effort to help people recognize Bing.com as a product from the Microsoft we’ve all grown to know and love, the Web search site was brought down by for a half hour because of a testing error.

The branding move backfired, however, when both Bing users received a 404 error and went to Google to find the new URL.

We’re big Microsoft fan boys here at SG, though, so we’d like remind you that, at least when Bing goes down, it doesn’t crash your entire system like other MS products. So, there’s your lemonade, Mr. Gates.

You win some, you crash some, you keep some

You all know the story by now: Tiger Woods crashed his car due to a massive conspiracy involving the PGA, his wife and auto insurance.

It’s a tragedy. A true tragedy.

But it’s not all bad! Sure, his body may be a little bruised and roughed up, but luckily, his checkbook won’t be. Gatorade, Nike, Gillette and Electronic Arts have all issued statements showing their support for the man.

“Nike supports Tiger and his family. Our relationship remains unchanged,”

“Tiger and his family have our support as they work through this private matter,”

“At this time, we are not making any changes to our existing marketing programs,”

“Our strong relationship with Tiger for more than a decade remains unchanged. We respect Tiger’s privacy, we wish him a fast recovery and we look forward to seeing him back on the golf course.”

When 109.3 million dollars of your yearly income was made off of the golf course, it’s reassuring that your sponsors become aspects of a Tammy Wynette song.

Not a good week for Scientology

In this bathroom metaphor, he's heading your poop off at the pass.

Fresh on the heels of–director of Crash—Paul Haggis’ scathing resignation letter, the Church of Scientology was dealt another blow by the Headline of the Day.

The French have done what most people assumed was a granted: convicted the organization of fraud. (Technically, members of the church have been convicted in the past, but this is the first time the church as a whole and its leadership were fined.)

Look, most religions are based around questionable practices of, at best, dubious rationale. But, pretending to have scientific knowledge about aliens in your body and the ability to assuage said aliens with expensive spa and counseling treatments as recommended by a dead science fiction writer? Sounds legit to us. Bad form, French courts.

You Missed It: Out come the idiots edition

It’s Friday, and it’s June. It is June, right? OK, good. I am still recovering from a wild weekend. I know, five days is a long time to recover, but man, it was a good time. If you were busy checking out of the hospital after being treated for exhaustion, odds are you missed it.

Now if we can just link this to Bush
Air France Flight 447 crashed into the Atlantic Ocean on its way to Paris from Rio. Everyone died. No wreckage has been found. Actually, only an oil slick has been discovered at this point. The cause of the crash may never actually be known. In other news, 9/11 conspiracy theorists have a new hobby ahead of them.

See! He really is one of them!
Addressing fellow Muslims in Cairo, Egypt this week, President Barack Obama quoted both the Koran and the Bible, while he said it was time for the U.S. and the Islamic world to mend the fences. He also said it was time for Israel to stop settling on the West Bank. This upset Israelis, because difference between the East Bank and the West Bank is like that of West and East Hampton.

Even the mustache is smiling
Randy Johnson got his 300th career win, but that’s really not anything special, because it was against the Washington Nationals, who do not technically play baseball according to modern definitions. But still, the Big Unit got to the 300 mark, making him likely the last person to reach that milestone. He also leads the league in lifetime struck birds.

Bonus!
Sean Hannity interviewed Rush Limbaugh on is FOX News show this week. No one asked questions, they just agreed that they are right about everything.

Both Zune owners listening to music again

The 30-gigabyte model of the Microsoft Zune, that portable music player that you’ve heard of but never seen, briefly lost all functionality this New Year’s because it was not Y2k9 compliant.

Microsoft announced yesterday, though, that they work now and followed with their customary tech support advice: “Did you try resetting it?”

So, as a small portion of the world breathes a heavy sigh of relief, we are reminded of that age old philosophy question …