‘Gun-owners need not apply’

We’ve discussed guns in this space before. Americans have a right to them, and private businesses have a right to refuse service to anyone they choose … if they’re willing to make us leave.

Since open-carry proponents’ boycott of Starbucks isn’t working, the our brothers in Georgia have almost passed a law to allow privately-owned guns in non-secure areas of the airport. You know, the lobby to the place where it’s illegal to carry bottled water and pocket knives?

According to one of the lawmakers, State Rep. Tim Bearden, “Posting a metal sign that says ‘Gun-Free Zone’ is not going to stop a terrorist or any criminal intent on doing harm to law-abiding citizens.”

And Bearden’s right. A terrorist could pull a gun at the Delta counter. Or in the parking lot. Or in the men’s room when we’re just looking for a handie.

That’s why we need armed private citizens patrolling our airports for other armed private citizens. And to expedite this recruitment, we shouldn’t waste time with bothersome tests like in, say, law enforcement, airport security, anti-terrorist operations, the ability to use said weapon or basic logic.

Best. Prison break. EVER.

Fun Fact: If you ever decide to commit a crime, make sure it happens in Washington state. You’ll get a free trip on the tilt-a-whirl and all the funnel cake you can eat!

Republicans, Democrats, let us all come together! I think we can all agree that if you’re found not guilty by reason of insanity, you should not be allowed to ride the ferris wheel and eat a gigantic turkey leg. Or at the very least, not for murder.

For that you only get one fried twinkie and five minutes on the teacups.