Cleanliness = godliness, loneliness = wastefulness

Someone notify David Caruso that he doesn’t have to take off his shades–this case has been solved!

So, remember earlier in the month when SG reported that Japanese police launched a full scale investigation over the “murder” of a real-doll? If you don’t, well, you’re probably making them happy about that. Naturally, the police have been a wee bit irritated after being humiliated in front of the world. As such, they launched an investigation that made headlines at home and abroad–which almost seems slightly counter-conducive to their feelings. Nonetheless, after seeing the trouble he caused, the body dumper, a 60-year-old Izu man, contacted police to confess. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!

It seems that this man had lived with the high-tech sex doll for some years after his wife passed away. He apparently wanted to ditch it before he continued with his plans to move in with one of his children. It’s good that he’s not living up to the stereotype of creepy old pervert dude.

“It seems he grew attached to the doll over the years,” said the chief investigator. “He was confused about how to get rid of her. He thought it would be cruel to cut her up into pieces and throw her out with the trash, so he proceeded to dump her illegally.”

As it would seem, it was never his intent to fool others and pass his sex doll off as a body. He now faces fines for breaking the Waste Management Law. It seems that we just haven’t made efficiently environmentally friendly real-dolls.

Real doll, “real crime”, real smooth, guys

Japanese police launched a full-scale murder investigation after the gruesome discovery of body bound, gagged and wrapped in plastic … that was actually just a life-size sex doll. Oopsies. It’s so easy to mistake soft plastic with flesh, after all.

Hey, CBS, you interested in CSI: Tokyo? You could really revolutionize the forensics investigators show genre by making an actual comedy. Well, one that doesn’t involve David Caruso, that is.