Tag: Cuba Gooding Jr

21st Century slated to deliver all of 20th’s promises

In 2008, Guns N’ Roses released Chinese Democracy.

2011: Duke Nukem Forever.

And now, slated for 2012: Lucasfilm will finally release George Lucas’ World War II dream project, Red Tails. Always the “next movie” Lucas promised after every turd that came out since 1988, Red Tails is the story of the Tuskegee Airman, the first African American fighter squadron and also holders of a near-perfect escort record.

What’s next? Flash Gordon 2? Maybe our uncles will finally get us the bikes they promised us for letting them watch us bathe.

Hate your boyfriend? Try Wayne Brady


As a rule, The Guys don’t typically help out newly divorced celebrities. They already have everything going for them: money, bottled water, teeth whiteners that probably taste like Crest Jr. (ours taste like Clorox) …. There’s no reason for us to get involved because they should have no problem “reentering the game.”

But we can’t help but like Wayne Brady–really, who doesn’t? He’s like a white Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle. You want him to fall in love again. And you want him to do better than Meg Ryan.

So if you’re single (or wish you were), have you considered Wayne Brady? Here’s what Wayne brings to the table:

  • Will serenade you in any musical-style, never failing to rhyme.
  • Guarantees at least one erotic manpile featuring Ryan Stiles and Greg Proops.
  • Your parents already like him. (See also: Cuba Gooding, Jr.)
  • Has “born-on” date stamped on the bottom of his right foot, so you know he’s fresh.
  • Doesn’t have to choke you … yet.