Tag: Daily Mail

First Mexico, now England rattles anti-emo sabre

England is waking up to realize a menace is upon them. “A sinister cult,” as The Daily Mail puts it, obsessed with self-harm and suicide. A threat that America has just about wedgied out of existence and that Mexico put to the lash.

We are speaking, of course, about emos.

Now, this article doesn’t guarantee action, but it is the first step towards British involvement:

  1. Point at someone and say, “Wot is this all about?”
  2. Remind that person that they are British: “Stand up now, Guvnah. You’re British.”
  3. If they are not, in fact, British, condemn them: “Now that’s downright bawmy. Away with you, you little bugger.”
  4. When words fail, fetch a “Constable” or perhaps “engage in some fisticuffs.”

The empire is just about poised to strike back … at sad little teenagers.

Warriors of the Week

Beth and Brian Willis, of the UK, may have once cohabitated with dogs, but they’ve learned the error of their ways.  They now wear coats made from their favorite dogs and will tell everyone who will listen the story of their dabbles in animal-loving.  In this case, “everyone” is The Daily Mail.

It takes a brave person to admit when they were wrong.  It takes an even braver one to wear their albatross publicly.  And the bravest person of all will try to dress children:

“But Mrs Willis said her next dog fur creation will have to wait.

She is too busy knitting jumpers for the youngsters – using wool.”

Fur isn’t murder: it’s a stark reminder to animals of their place in the world.  They are either food, clothing or makeup testers, never our masters.