You guys! I know we’re supposed to seriously stop trying to make the Virginia earthquake a disaster, but we’ve just gotten word that the tremors have damaged the nation’s First Erection.
The Washington Monument and surrounding 100 feet will be closed to visitors indefinitely until repairs can be made. This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to it since workers wrapped scaffolding around it and we had to pretend it wasn’t a dick splint.
Are you in love? Does he or she know? Well, whatever you do about it, for the love of God, don’t buy them flowers.
Flowers, or plant genitals, have long been part of human custom: weddings, birthdays, apologies and funerals. And funerals is just what posies have in mind when they spontaneously combust (i.e., terror explode) and cause $20,000 worth of damage to an Arkansas home.
The whole incident could have been avoided had the Duncans re-potted or even just watered their plant, but the United States does not negotiate with amaranths.
News bite: A high school student, frustrated, over a recent gaming session at an Internet café in South Korea set light to a warehouse Saturday evening.
The 15-year-old told police that he torched the warehouse, located at the top of a four-story building, because “his computer games did not go well.” The fire did an estimated four million won in damage.
Nice going, kid. It’s good that Korea isn’t letting a nasty stereotype stop them from being socially awkward.
