MEANWHILE: Your dog ate some poop

David Madsen trained his Labrador Retriever to do basic math on command. The dog, Beau, can reportedly add, subtract, “do some division and has memorized square roots” with counted barks.

And yet, he somehow didn’t make the cut for David Letterman’s “Stupid Pet Tricks” segment.

If you would like to make Letterman pay for his insolence, don’t bother. Al Qaeda’s got it covered.

The McBournie Minute: There’s a reason network TV is free

Television and I used to be really close friends–especially in the days when I wasn’t paying for it. However, cable prices have been skyrocketing over the years, making it one of the worst possible investments. With that in mind, I’ve tried to keep digital cable, and justify it to myself for a long time.

I’m starting to reconsider all this, because most of what I watch is available online or over the air waves, and I don’t even watch that much television anymore. Recently, I got a 40-inch HDTV, and might I say, it’s pretty sweet. But I don’t feel the need to pay extra to get HD channels. Why? Well, I’m often just listening to shows while I’m doing other things, so the quality doesn’t matter, just as long as I get sport in HD.

I get Netflix, so I’m catching up on a lot of my favorite shows, the few shows I do watch that are currently airing I typically watch online, and the networks all broadcast in HD for free, yes, free. So why do I keep paying for cable? It’s simple, the networks pretty much suck. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: There’s a reason network TV is free

You Missed It: Dem bones edition

It’s October. That means it’s time for Octoberfest. It also means time for playoff baseball and football is just starting to get interesting. For those reasons I am significantly more comfortable now with the fact that summer is over. I still wear my Speedo around the house, though. If you were busy running from one natural disaster or another this week, odds are you missed it.

Look what we found
It’s been a tough week for Lucy, the oldest known human ancestor skeleton. First, Lucy of the Beatles song “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” dies (the song was playing on the radio when archaeologists discovered Lucy, hence her name), now she’s not even the oldest skeleton anymore. Scientists went public this week with the discovery of Ardi, who is 1.2 million years older than Lucy. She is also named after a Beatles song, though. “Ob Ardi, Ob Arda” was playing on the radio when she was found.

Keep your Worldwide Pants on
David Letterman shocked his audience last night when he announced he was the victim of an extortion attempt. He said about three weeks ago he got a package saying if he did not pay up, the person would make his sexual trysts with show employees known. According to reports, the extortion letter also included the Top Ten reasons why he should pay $2 million.

You have been poked by federal investigators
The U.S. Secret Service determined this week that a Facebook poll asking if President Barack Obama should be killed did not pose a threat to the president. Instead, the federal agency just found it as annoying as every other poll, quiz and game your friends try to send you on Facebook.

Take it from Snee: An open letter to Sarah Palin

Hey, Sarah.

Look, I know we’ve had our differences in the past. You wanted to be vice president, and I wanted an Earth where there’s no country ass-backwards enough to let that happen. Tomato/tobacco, right?

I’m not writing this to discuss the last election. Bygones are bygones … Well, except you’re not bygone, bygod, now are you? In fact, it seems like you want to be President in 2012 if your non-Alaskan activities are to be interpreted correctly.

This would be a huge mistake. You see, I’ve learned some things about you from last year that you appear to have not. Please, let me rectify this oversight in hopes that you might become a peaceful, and maybe better, person. Continue reading Take it from Snee: An open letter to Sarah Palin