Someone call John Goodman

The scene: Sadiya, a town in India. The mood: terror. The situation: two innocent victims. The perp: terrifyingly deadly spiders.

The villagers were doing nothing antagonistic, simply celebrating a Hindu festival. Cue the swarm. Legion upon legion of eight-legged freaks appeared in the town, casting a web of horror. Scientists aren’t sure yet what could be the exact culprit. It’s guessed that it could be a tarantula, a wishbone or even a funnel-web spider.

Except, neither of those two are native to the area. In fact, there’s been no record of venomous spiders in the area. Ever.

This is clearly an insidious plot created by the animal kingdom. Create a new deadly weapon and test it on an unwitting population. Who are they, the Russians?