Tag: death

Expressions of love

There’s a lot of talk going around amongst the womenfolk about how there are no good men out there, or that men are in capable of a meaningful relationship. We submit this to you as evidence to the contrary.

An Australian man was getting into his car with his 5-year-old daughter in one arm and a case of beer in the other. Being a responsible parent, and protecting what he loves, he buckled in one of the passengers. The only problem is he buckled in his beer and not his daughter. Strangely enough, the police were not happy to find this, and fined him A$750.

In Chicago, for some strange reason, one man calls Pabst Blue Ribbon his favorite beer. In case you one day happen to attend his funeral, you will know it, too, because he has designed a coffin that looks like a can of the beer. And for those of you entering the cause of death pool, cirrhosis has been taken already.

Heath Ledger will haunt you–literally

In breaking news, Heath Ledger is still dead.

From what it looks like at this point, he won’t be coming out retirement to make any new movies in the near future. However, that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been making a few cameos since parting this mortal coil. Ledger has apparently been haunting former fiancee Venus Michelle Williams.

Williams, who asserts she is not just plain honey roasted nuts, said Ledger has visited her, apparently in a new role as a “shadowy figure.” No word yet as to whether the couple have made pottery together.

Maybe if you had gone to see his movies, you would get a personal visit, too.

(Thanks Rick)

You have to buy an extra ticket

The U.S. isn’t the only country whose airport baggage screeners come across something odd every now and then (like a fake bomb), apparently it’s a unifying experience.

Baggage handlers in Munich stopped a Italian woman after they found something in a plastic bag they were fairly certain was not allowed as a carry-on: human remains. The skeleton of what was found to be her brother, who had died 11 years earlier, got the woman pulled out of line for a few short questions.

Turns out, the woman’s brother died in Brazil and had always wanted to be buried in Italy, so she was simply trying to fulfill his wishes. However, oddly enough, you’re not allowed to have a dead person in your luggage.

The punishment for dying is death

When it comes to war, the French are known for glorious battles lasting more than 20 minutes, before finally sending up the white flag and giving up. But today they could get a new stigma in their own personal battle against death.

A village in southwestern France had its graveyard fill up recently, so its mayor has commanded the citizens not to die. In fact, if one does die, the mayor promises severe punishment. This blog is unsure of what stance to take at this point, as it is not clear if the town is going to punish the families of the deceased, or the deceased themselves, should they rise up again. This blog hopes it’s the latter. Zombies cannot be tolerated.

Headline of the Day

There are many ways to die, but normally, one doesn’t think of groundskeeping machinery as a possible source of a dirt nap. Apparently it can come for even Buddhists.

Reverend Seiji Handa, a Buddhist monk from Japan, was in England trimming the grass around his peace pagoda when his tractor got away from him and he slipped under it. Don’t worry, folks, he’ll be reincarnated.

The war doesn’t end with death

It is this blog’s sad duty to report that actor Roy Scheider has passed. Scheider is probably the most celebrated film icon in the War on Animals for blowing the head off of a great white shark in Jaws.

The movie is largely credited with reminding people of the dangers in the ocean, where you can always see creatures approaching, especially if you are skinny dipping alone near a large buoy late at night. In our warrior hearts, Scheider will always be remembered for his immortal line as he fired the fatal shot, “Smile, you son of a b–[BOOM!]”

The hospital isn’t saying how Scheider died, but this blog has its own theories.

Speaking of death and animals, mourners at a London funeral were treated to a horrible sight, when horses pulling the deceased’s casket broke into a stampede. The carriage tipped over, bouncing the casket around and throwing flowers here and there.

The bumpy ride to eternal slumber finally ended at the cemetery, but many mourners were so upset they had to be restrained. As this blog always says: don’t let an animal do a job any machine could do. Machines haven’t attacked us–yet.

Making funerals fun again

Everyone will someday die, and as long as you stay dead, we are OK with it. However, that doesn’t mean that death isn’t part of life. Because it’s a part of life, it can sometimes get downright strange. Don’t think so?

In England, just as anywhere else in the world, sometimes your loved ones ask to be cremated. One crematorium has thought of solving their heating bill problems with something they do anyway. Still can’t guess it? They are going to heat the building using the heat from the burning bodies. That means the deceased’s final gift to his or her friends and family is the gift of warmth.

Back in the States, death can be fun here, too. In Arlington, Virginia there is a lot of growth going on. It sits right across the Potomac River from Washington. Office and apartment buildings are constantly being built because people want to move to this happening area. However, one apartment building offers a little bit more than any other: the first floor will feature a funeral home. Now, residents can mourn the deaths of their loved ones in a more convenient atmosphere. Because just because their life stops, doesn’t mean yours has to.

The McBournie Minute: Heath Ledger’s death is not important

Last Tuesday, actor Heath Ledger died an untimely death. That night, I saw my friends’ reactions expressed in their away messages on AIM. Most had some kind of message expressing his or her sadness at hearing of Ledger’s passing. I took the time to leave my own away message expressing my thoughts on the day’s news.

I don’t care.

It’s not that I am glad he passed or anything, I just don’t have feelings one way or the other about it. This came as a shock to a few people. They said I was insensitive to say such a thing. After all, the man had died only a matter of hours earlier, his body was scarcely cold and I refused to show humanity. But still, I don’t care about Heath Ledger’s death. Why should I? His life had little effect on me.

Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Heath Ledger’s death is not important

Tech support can’t save Indian reptiles

If someone said to you, “I have a gharial,” you would probably ask if they needed to go to a hospital. However, a gharial is actually a rare crocodile-like reptile found in India, and as it turns out, they are the ones that need a hospital.

Over the weekend, about 50 gharials washed up dead and scientists in India are baffled at the moment. Meanwhile, animal lovers are worried about the animal, since there are an estimated 1,500 of them left in the wild.

This blog is read huge in India, approximately 0.001 percent of the population (4 million) read us there, so this blog has a feeling this was no “accidental” mass killing of a rare reptile. We would like to congratulate the brave warriors who have once again taken the fight back to the animals. Fifty down, 1,450 left to go!