Lamest member of a frat just became lamer

It feels really odd writing a story about a frat member that doesn’t (knowingly) involve alcohol in it whatsoever, but here goes. A 21-year-old Wisconsin man is in a lot of trouble after using a fraternity debit card to unlawfully spend over $12,000 on video games. Rather than accept responsibility for his crimes, Jose Taverez has adopted the patriotically American way of blaming other things, in this case his crushing videogame addiction. Awwwwwwww!

“Tavarez … told police he used a fraternity debit card to buy videogames because his bank account is linked to his parents’ and he did not want them seeing that he spent his money on the games,” reports the Wisconsin State Journal. “A list of suspicious purchases on the card… included about 70 purchases at game-oriented businesses, along with many others from online stores selling computer goods …”

The sad part of this story is that I’m sure there will be plenty of people willing to actually believe evil videogames gripped this man’s soul and forced him, an innocent victim, to steal that money. As opposed to the apparent greed and desire to manipulate that which ultimately does not belong to him. Such is the blameless society we have created for ourselves. Also, being twelve grand in debt because of video games? That’s not just lame-that’s super lame. Guess which frat brother is gonna get super-hazed when he gets back from jail?

SG Explains: The economic crisis

You may have heard recently about some hubbub with the economy and stocks and stuff. Recently, Warren “Jimmy” Buffett called the current crisis an “economic Pearl Harbor.” While this may not make sense to some of our readers, we are here to explain.

Let’s use Buffett’s analogy.

It’s the morning of December 7, 1941. The U.S., still reeling from the Great Depression, has not entered World War II, thanks mostly to isolationist policies. In come Japanese fighter and torpedo planes. Suddenly the U.S. is caught off guard and war begins a new era of the 20th century.

But first we need to back up. Let’s say the U.S. credit and loan debt is the Japanese Empire. For years prior to the war, the U.S. debt was building up its forces, offering really good deals and raping Nanking. We knew about it but chose to turn a blind eye to it, hoping the problem would resolve itself.

Hit the jump for the sneak attack. Continue reading SG Explains: The economic crisis

Pets continue to mooch

We all know pets require a lot of time, care, attention, maintenance and in some cases, poop scooping. But the times are changing, and so are pets’ needs. One sign of this is that dogs now require cell phones, but you get stuck with the bill when they cannot pay it (they don’t have jobs, of course).

A collection agency sent Andy Fanelli, a fluffy white dog of some sort in California, a bill for $142.34 for Verizon Online. The lazy dog apparently has had a cell phone somewhere and is sticking it to is owners. This is why you can’t get attached to pets, because you may one day have to put them down.

(Via Consumerist)

When good acts go bad

It seems as though everyone has jumped on the nude charity calendar wave—just like those old ladies in that oh so adorable movie—and sure, you might think that it’s a totally great idea that just can’t lose, because, hey, who doesn’t like calendars of naked old women … until you get stuck with a $16,000 printing bill and 5,000 unsold copies. Oh, and being in debt because of the act. Then, maybe, not so much.

Thanks a lot, Helen Mirren. You big Oscar winning jerk.

How To: Fall in love

Image: “I am watching you …” by Denise Yap

According to Cole Porter (and to a lesser extent, Tank Girl), birds do it, bees do it, even hippopotami do it; let’s do it: here’s how to fall in love!

Continue reading How To: Fall in love