Tag: Deep Impact

You Missed It: On the cover edition

"Thnx 4 not tweeting the 'Two Virgins' album cover."
“Thnx 4 not tweeting the ‘Two Virgins’ album cover.”

Remember 1998, if you can. Bill Clinton was president, the Spice Girls were considered musicians, and we had two asteroid movies. We went for years and years without a single major “asteroid is coming to end humanity” movie, and then BAM, we get Deep Impact and Armageddon. How does that happen? Well, this year we’re getting two different “White House gets overrun by terrorists” movies. I can’t remember the last time we even had one in that vein, unless you count Air Force One. We need Congressional hearings examining why this is happening. If you were busy asking Kate Upton to your prom this week, odds are you missed it.

The tweet heard round the world
This week, Yoko Ono tweeted a picture of John Lennon’s bloody glasses, with a statement about the thousands of Americans who have been killed by guns since her husband was shot in 1980. It was then retweeted by President Barack Obama’s campaign arm, Organizing for Action, which got people talking. Only thing is, it’s just a cropped photo of Ono’s “Season of Glass” album cover. The photo has existed for over 30 years, but it’s only now gaining popularity, because no one listens to Yoko Ono, and they just assume the picture has a cool Instagram filter on it.

The age-old Harvard-New Mexico rivalry
March Insanity is off and running. Yesterday, the first round began, and productivity in the U.S. dropped significantly. A lot of people are complaining that their brackets are already shot, after Harvard beat New Mexico in a 68-62 stunner. This is not the first or last time that people who went to Harvard made you lose money.

Coming soon to fanfiction
Joe Jonas, who is apparently one of the Jonas brothers, denied rumors that there is a sex tape of he and his girlfriend. The rumor claimed that the video showed Jonas and Blanda Eggenschwiler, what a name, and was shot by a third party. Jonas tweeted, and this is true, “Ball gag? Really? Me?” I think that’s also the title of the next album.

The McBournie Minute: ‘I see the moon, the moon sees me’

For the most part, space really hasn’t been that exciting in a long time. Sure, there has been some attention paid when a new rover lands on Mars, or there is a tragedy, or we send John Glenn up into orbit again. But really, we just don’t care about space the way we did in the 1950s and 1960s.

That is until recently.

NASA brought us into yet another interstellar war last Friday morning when it bombed the moon. They “claim” it was to see if the debris kicked up by the impact could prove that the moon was, in fact, made of cheese, but the Internet knows better. It always does. That is why we live in the Porn Information Age. The age of citizen journalism. The age when you don’t need any fancy pants “credibility” or “evidence” to support your claims. Bearing this in mind, here is what really happened to the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: ‘I see the moon, the moon sees me’

Quick, someone call Bruce Willis!

Forget Anthrax! Screw weapons of mass destruction! Smallpox, you’re just old news! The real threat to human safety is not on the planet, but above the planet.

It’s that time of the year again! Yes, the world’s scientific community has gotten together, not to finally give us our f—ing jet-packs already, but to give awareness to the world that the most serious threat to Earth are asteroids. Something Hollywood has been telling us for the past ten years, at least.

To sum up the points of the conference:

  • The Association of Space Explorers wants the UN to approve asteroid interception missions.
  • An asteroid may have killed off all of the dinosaurs.
  • Asteroid Apophis, like everything else in space, has a possible chance of hitting Earth.
  • Gravity can be used to deflect asteroids.
  • If Apophis hits Earth, we’re boned.
  • We must take this threat for real because, let’s face it, we won’t always have Ben Affleck around to protect us.

What can save us now:

  • Michael Bay’s filmmaking
  • A power ballad by Aerosmith
  • President Morgan Freeman
  • Superboy of Earth Prime