Seniors active in the bedroom also active mentally, science says

It turns out that having sex when you’re older can help you fight off dementia, according to a recent study. (We know thinking about old people and sex isn’t a great way to hook you, but this information could come in handy years from now, so read on.)

According to researchers Coventry University in the U.K., people surveyed 50 and 89 who had sex regularly tended to have better cognitive function. In all, more than 6,800 people were surveyed on their sex lives, and given simple memory tests. Both men and women who were sexually active did better on the tests. It’s the strongest evidence yet that you should buy your grandfather the hooker he’s been asking for.

“Science says you have to bang me if you want me to remember you in the morning,” is now an acceptable and true line for you to use when you’re over 50. And there’s nothing wrong with preventative measures if you’re younger.

The McBournie Minute: To stay sharp, get fat

When I was a young kid, I had the greatest memory. I could remember conversations word for word. I was hanging on every little detail, because in my young life, there had never been anything more exciting. It was the most interesting stuff I had ever seen, so why wouldn’t I hold onto it? Also, I was a kid, so I had pretty much nothing else going on, that made it easy to concentrate.

Now I’m in my 30s and my memory sucks. I mostly blame the internet for that. I don’t need to remember stuff anymore, because I can just look it up. I can even pull up an IM conversation and find details from a conversation with a friend if I need to. I’ve found that a day later, I can’t remember who it was that told me something, and sometimes, when talking to my wife, I forget what I’ve already told her about my day, because mentally I’m already thinking about something else. That’s when I repeat myself. Ladies love it when you tell them the same story twice in one conversation, or ask them the same question twice. It really shows that you care.

According to science, I should probably stop working out and start eating my face off. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: To stay sharp, get fat

Fight dementia with beer today

Drinking is good for you. And if you drink, there’s a good chance you’ll remember that fact long into your old age.

According to researchers in China, a chemical in beer helps ward off degenerative diseases. A study found that xanthohumol, a chemical found in hops, might help brain cells from oxidative stress that can lead to dementia. That means that while you may not remember how many beers you had last night, there’s a better chance you’ll remember your grandchildren’s names later in life.

And yet our own Rick Snee doesn’t like hoppy beers. So if he starts posting jokes from 2008, just roll with it.

How to undo your entire story with a single graphic

If you fear growing old due to dementia, then Bloomberg reported good news: people in their 90s are mentally sharper than those born a decade earlier!

But, Bloomberg also accidentally reported bad news in their lead graphic:

"Ayako Wakasu, 94, smiles as her glasses are adjusted by a staff member at a day care facility on Gogo Island in Matsuyama, Ehime Prefecture, Japan, on March 22, 2013."
“Ayako Wakasu, 94, smiles as her glasses are adjusted by a staff member at a day care facility on Gogo Island in Matsuyama, Ehime Prefecture, Japan, on March 22, 2013.” [Emphasis ours.]
Or, in fewer than 1,000 words: You will be an able-minded prisoner in your own withered body.

According to their report, both last decade’s and this decade’s nonagenarians¬†were on par for physical strength — pretty much none. However, advances in technology like scooters, ramps, and chair lifts have improved mobility for this decade’s 90-year-olds.

So, it looks like Star Trek accurately predicted our future yet again:

"My nose itches and the Indiana Jones theme song is stuck in my head."
(thinking) “My nose itches and the Indiana Jones theme song is stuck in my head.”

Or, at best, Aliens did:

"Give Grandma a hug, you bitch!"
“Come give Grandma a hug, you bitch!”

Either way, The Guys don’t plan to call off our 50th birthday suicide pact just yet. Unless that Italian guy really does perfect head transplants.

Yet another example of good science

Let’s be honest. Would you rather not remember last night, or not remember most of your life in your final years?

Pick up a drink. Do it right now. Because science tells us that alcohol may reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s. Also, it reduces the risk of dementia, which sounds like the old-timey term for Alzheimer’s, but for argument’s sake, we’ll say that they are two different afflictions. The point is, booze can save your brain.

The study followed over 3,000 senior citizens who drank moderately. They defined that as 14 drinks per week. However, if you have 14 drinks per night you just might be able to fight dementia and kill it before it even things about coming after you. So drink early, drink often.