Take it from Snee: And go cry home to mama

Look at that: she can't even grow that middle part of her mustache.I normally stay out of the affairs of other countries, especially when it concerns cultural taboos. I mean, I live in a state where it’s illegal to see a stripper’s vagina … unless I take her home. (The industry refers to this as a “to-go box.”) And even when I get her there, I have to churn it all Amish-style, because vibrators are contraband. So, who am I to talk, right?

But, every now and then, one of the hundred or so non-American nations out takes a stance so ludicrous that I have to take notice.

Iran–surprise, surprise–arrested several college students who were protesting their current government. All in all, it’s a normal day at the University of Couscous Online, except that, according to police, these students tore up and burned pictures of current Ayatollah Khamenei and founding Ayatollah Khomeini.

Why would I care? It’s not like I turned my Twitter avatar green or scan Fox News for any excuse to invade Middle Eastern countries. However, I, too, have a little history with “graven images.”

There’s something I learned not too long ago: pictures aren’t real. The camera doesn’t steal your soul, and Back to the Future is impossible. (Not because it’s a movie, but because the paradox that time travel creates makes fourth dimensional regression physically difficult.)

So, if someone attaches that much importance to any picture, they’re retarded. And if they attach that importance to a picture of themselves, then you could drown them with a mirror at the bottom of a pool.

It is with these people in mind that I present the following gallery: You’re an Idiot, Now Go Cry Home to Mama. Continue reading Take it from Snee: And go cry home to mama

Science says Whitney Houston did not lie

Very romantic scientists at Stony Brook University in New York discovered that certain amount of married people experience “Endless Love.” They also proved that someone may or may not “Always Love You” and verified that the entire Michael Bolton catalog applies to a handful of test subjects.

For the study, they compared brain scans of couples who had been together for 20 years to those who had just reached third base, maybe made it home once. About 10 percent of the longtime couples reacted the same as new couples when shown pictures of their partners. (Another 10 percent reacted by needing a drink.)

So, if you’re in a committed relationship and feel just as strongly about your partner as when you met, great. For the rest of you, you now have to fake it because your partner will read this report.