T. rex puppet not allowed to take enlistment oath, Army says

Clever girl.

The right to dinosaur arms has been infringed upon in Tennessee, we are sad to report.

The Tennessee National Guard has two jobs: two guard the border with Kentucky, and to bring sand bags when Nashville floods. It’s a very serious job, and the state Air National Guard takes it so seriously that it posted a video of a re-enlistment ceremony where the service member had a T. rex puppet on her hand.

Master Sgt. Robin Brown is a part of the Tennessee Air National Guard’s public affairs office — at least she was until the video of her re-enlistment got some negative feedback. The U.S. Army, typically known for its sense of humor, has pulled Brown off of public affairs, and even demoted the colonel who administered the oath her Brown and her dinosaur.

They said it was for mocking an honored tradition, but really, it’s because of the awful attempt at ventriloquism.

Creationists officially become my new enemies of the week

Ho-boy, creationists just became the top of Chris Taylor’s Poop List. New York City’s Department of Education has announced words that it may ban in all standardized testing for its schools. Two examples are “birthday” and “Halloween,” and don’t get me wrong, those are big words to ban, especially because of potentially offending religions.

But there’s another word that’s being bandied about as being banned and that is an action that cannot be condoned: dinosaur.

EVERY SINGLE BOY BETWEEN THE AGES OF 4 AND 58 LOVES DINOSAURS. Dinosaurs were the most amazing creatures ever as a child. To ban their use, simply to not offend creationists, a form of religion that science has proven to be stupid, is offensive to me.

Make the smart move NYDoE: don’t ban the dinosaur.

Everything you know is wrong

You like the legendary Nanotyrannus? What about ol’ Torosaurus, the three horned champion of plant eaters? Well guess what? Science says these and others may not have actually existed.

Your childhood has officially been raped.

Many dinosaur species are experiencing a second extermination—death by reclassification. Thanks to new technologies (and essentially Occam’s Razor in some cases) that allow paleontologists to analyze the tissues in dinosaur fossils, many paleontologists are discovering that dinosaurs we once thought of as separate species are actually part of the same species, simply at different stages of their development. The Nanotyrannus, supposedly a diminutive cousin of the Tyrannosaurus Rex is probably just a juvenile version of the latter species. Similarly, the Torosaurus and the Dracorex hogwartsia (seriously, that’s the name) have been stricken from the books, as they are likely members of previously discovered species.

A paleontologist estimates that a third of dinosaur species currently listed are actually members of other speicies. So how were these creatures mislabeled for so long? As science becomes better able to determine the growth stage of dinosaur fossils, they are finding that many species retain their juvenile characteristics longer than previously believed, and as dinosaurs age, their characteristics undergo drastic changes.

In other words, some species of dinosaurs may have simply been late bloomers.

Dinosaur with feathers turns out to be more delicious than anticipated

A dinosaur that lived between 160 and 151 million years ago could be the missing link between birds and dinosaurs. Scientists in Beijing announced that a four-winged creature called Anchiornis huxleyi could finally prove birds are descended from dinosaurs. Allow SG to put this in different terms for understanding purposes:

Scientific viewpoint: This offers new data into the evolution of feathers as well: for the first time, we have fossil evidence of feathers as being merely elongated scales. The feathers here are symmetrical and blunted-ended, rather than the slightly asymmetrical and pointer proto-feather we see in Microraptor and Archeopteryx (and modern birds). It is rather interesting that the longest feathers of Anchiornis‘ wing come close to its body, rather than further down its limbs. This is more the configuration of modern birds, rather than the expected formation of other known paravians. All of which suggests that the development of flight took place in a rapidly evolving world of paravians, with many different variations on the theme and many side-branches of evolution along the way. Very fascinating discovery.

Bible thumper viewpoint: Remember that one fast food joint mentioned in the Book of Paul? Jesus Fried Chicken? Popular place until the Italians decided they wanted pasta to reign supreme.