Tag: discovery

That’s one small step for man, one giant unintelligble screech for droid-kind

This is definitely not the droid you’re looking for.

You thought NASA was done and over with? BAH! NASA is back, kids, and back with a fiery vengeance!*

It’s space season once again in merry ol’ Cape Canaveral, as NASA is prepping the space shuttle Discovery to launch from the hallowed and famous launch site before it’s shuttered. The destination? The space station. In spaaaaaaaace. Ahem. The shuttle will be carrying six astronauts, a big box of stuff and a robot, R2. The robot with a humanoid design (but nerves of steel) will be dropped off at the station, where it will show itself off to the other robots on the station by doing such revolutionary moves like opening a jar in zero gravity. We can then expect it to probably move onto taking over the space station before attempting to destroy the Earth in a nefarious scheme created with cold logic.

Don’t knock my cynicism. I’ve watched far too many sci-fi movies to not expect this.

*Fiery vengeance may vary, please check with your local listings and consult with your doctor before initiating any types of Pyrrhic revenge.

Hey, we have an actual battle to tell you about!

You know that show Whale Wars on Discovery? It’s kind of creepy watching species traitors defend whales from the valiant Japanese warriors who are conducting research. Well, next season should be an interesting one.

First off, Bob Barker (yes, that Bob Barker) donated $5 million to the Sea Shepherds, the anti-whaling group the show follows. So they bought and named a boat after him. Then they got a third boat, only this third boat was in fact Batman’s boat. OK, well it was close, it blew circumnavigation records out of the, well, water.

On the first trip out with the Bob Barker and the Ady Gil (?), better known as the Batboat, the whalers ended up ramming the speed boat and slicing it in half. If only they had used the Bat Anti-Whaler Spray.

But wait, there’s more!

Science fiction fans everywhere yelled a collective “SQUEE!!!!” when it was recently announced that there’s more than just what we previously thought about space. I, for one, would like to welcome our rocket cycle-racing masters from Rigel.

Thanks to a modified Chilean telescope, 32 exoplanets have been discovered outside of our solar system. These planets have yet to be named, but we at SG suspect that they’ll probably be named along the lines of Gangster Planet, Dinosaur Planet, Nazi Planet, Ancient Rome Planet and Old West Planet.

Now, for all the misanthropes who would like to be the first on the next series of colony missions, keep in mind that we can’t successfully build a working bio dome on a planet with a stable atmosphere and have yet to colonize our closest planetary neighbor.

Of course, the definitive question is not how many of them that we have discovered, but how many of them have already discovered us (and the insides of our rectums via their ka-razy alien probes)?

Hey look, another use for Saturn

No, we’re not talking about the defunct game console that was essentially beaten by its own makers.

No, we’re not talking about the soon to be defunct car company that was beaten by less efficient cars.

We’re talking about the planet! NASA, those caaaa-razy guys with glasses, have found a new, giant ring around the planet. This is puzzling considering that planet Saturn is absolutely colossal, and you would think that one of its rings, which fit around this gigantic ball, would be fairly easy to find by now.

It would be if Rick Snee hadn’t broken the Hubble Telescope 10 years ago. I won’t go into the story of how that happened, but let’s just say that it involved a dromedary camel, fire retardant foam, a George Foreman grill, Raul Julia’s mustache from The Addams Family and the space shuttle Victory.

In order to fill our nerd quotient of the week, here’s a helpful hint: make sure to look up two of Saturn’s moons, Mimas and Iapetus. That’s right, both Death Stars revolve around Saturn. /nerd quotient