Now we have a huge new rat to worry about

Rats are just about the worst thing on the planet. They are big, ugly things that get into everything and can’t really be stopped. Plus, they carry diseases, like that time they killed a third of Europe with the plague. So good luck, everyone, we have new species of rat, and it’s huge.

Researchers have discovered a rat four times the size of the ones you’re used to seeing. It’s got teeth so big it can crack coconuts. The only good news here is that it’s confined to the Solomon Islands, which means there’s a chance we can keep this nasty species isolated.

Then again, rats are so common around the world because they snuck onto ships centuries ago. So we’re probably doomed.

Even on National Dog Day, Fox News keeps blowing dogwhistles

Don't let the lamestream media fool you into letting terrierists enter our borders. Build the chicken wire fence!
Don’t let the lamestream media fool you into letting terrierists enter our country. Build the chicken wire fence!

Most of today’s National Dog Day media focuses on how much comfort and companionship dogs provide us, which is a PR nightmare for our ongoing War on Animals. Fortunately, there’s one news agency that isn’t falling for the cuddly animal angle that our enemies push: Fox News.

Rather than be a lap dog to PETA, Fox News is raising the hard question that no one dares ask about dogs: are immigrant dogs sneaking rabies and other diseases across our borders?

We applaud Fox News for sticking it to dogs and enforcing their narrative on the dangers of immigration in all forms. Clearly, there’s at least one news agency that hasn’t been neutered.

Robot cannot hold its lunch down

Robots are becoming smarter all the time. They can learn, they can communicate, and they can even dream. Now, they can vomit.

For centuries, the difference between living things and non-living things was the ability to vomit, we think. Now, it appears we’ve created yet another robot in our own image, and it acts like it’s been out all night drinking. Researchers in North Carolina have made a robot whose sole purpose is to throw up green Jell-O to illustrate that you can spread viruses by vomiting, too.

Great, thanks guys.

The McBournie Minute: Keep Big Government out of my breast milk supply

I know I’m not alone when I say that the government needs to leave the American people alone. I’d like to think that I share a lot of the same principles as the Tea Party. For example, I, too, enjoy wearing tricorn hats.

In fact, aside from my belief in a central government and its duty to protect its people, while caring for their welfare and coming to assist when its people are in need, plus keeping a watchful eye on the markets, etc., I’d say we’re pretty close on a lot of issues. Actually, I also like young people and minorities.

But aside from that, we need to get Big Government out of our lives so we can be free to pursue happiness, like Jesus said in the Constitution. That’s why I’ve been nothing less than shocked by the headlines I’ve been seeing lately. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Keep Big Government out of my breast milk supply

Uh-oh! Our frankincense is tingling!

We’ve got bad news for you Christmas traditionalists out there. (You know, those of you that drink wassail as three ships go sailing by for 12 days.) If you were planning on going the nostalgic route and giving Jesus his original baby presents, then you’re out of luck with frankincense. By the end of the last century, it appears that fire, disease and cattle farming depleted Boswellia trees, which is where frankincense — a resin — comes from.

Of course … you could always embrace the commercialized Christmas and give the Big Guy gold, myrrh and a box of General Mills’ Frankenberry.

We don’t want what New Zealand’s got

This just in: 95 percent of you are disgusting, and a full quarter of you are walking public health saboteurs.

Well, we can’t say that’s true for the entire population. The research was conducted exclusively in New Zealand, so really it’s the Kiwis that are trying to infect us all.

A fix for Alzheimer’s? What’s that? A fix for Alzheimer’s? What’s that?

Researchers have long believed that amyloid plaques either cause Alzheimer’s or are a key factor, and a lot of money has gone into researching drugs that reduce the prevalence of these plaques. So it’s a great cause for celebration that bapineuzumab, a drug now being developed by Elan Corp. and now owned by Johnson & Johnson, showed an ability to reduce amyloid plaques in 28 patients. At the end of the 18-month study period, the patients had 25 percent less amyloid plaques than a control group. And the bapineuzumab patients actually had less plaques than they had at the start of testing.

But like most all good things, there’s a bit of a catch. Actually, there are two catches here. The first is that bapineuzumab can have dangerous side effects — high doses can have ill effects, as earlier tests found, and two patients in the current study had cerebral edemas caused by water on the brain. But it sounds like the side-effects are manageable, and it may be just a matter of finding the right dosage.

The bigger catch is, we still don’t know if amyloid plaques are a cause or merely a symptom of Alzheimer’s disease. A large and growing number of researchers believe the true cause of Alzheimer’s is the tangles of tau proteins that also accumulate in the brains of Alzheimer’s sufferers.

In any case, whether bapineuzumab turns out to be a wonder drug, or a dead end, the real breakthrough here is the development of a method of assessing a patient’s number of amyloid plaques, something we could only do after death, via autopsy, until now. Now, we can only hope that we don’t need to repeat the same research multiple times over.

Today in filthy bathrooms

Apparently a lot of people are worried about the cleanliness of public toilets, some even worried about sitting on the seat. They’re even rating dumpsheds online like they’re pissing in college professors. (That’s another web site.)

This is just a friendly SG Reminder: what do you think you’re leaving in there? Bathrooms are tile enclosures for depositing human waste. Your poo-poo. Your pee-pee.

You know why bathrooms are disgusting? Because you use them. And us. But we’re a different story.

So, next time you’re in a public toilet, how about just getting the job done? Believe us, the rest of the bar more than makes up for that place where you crap in a chair.