Goose poop attack at Disneyland

Animals are out to ruin your summer. That includes those big summer trip plans you’ve made.

Disneyland became a scene of horror and panic last Friday night when a flock of geese attacked the most iconic attraction at Disneyland, the Sleeping Beauty Castle. According to authorities, the geese pooped on nearly 20 tourists, many of them children. The attack happened just as crowds were gathering for the nightly fireworks show. The cowardly geese could not have picked a better time for their attack.

A hazardous materials team was dispatched to clean up the victims, who are said to be recovering from the trauma, and were given a change of clothes by the park.

Spoonfuls of sugar ruled ineffective without medicine

Thanks to moronic Orange County parents, the last sound their children may hear is a barber shop quartet.
Thanks to moronic Orange County parents, the last sound their children may hear is a barber shop quartet.

From its now unrecognizable Main Street to the mid-century Americana-themed Frontierland, Disneyland is dedicated to preserving America as it once was: simple, clean and full of boutique-style gift shops that haven’t been driven out of business by online sales and Wal-Mart. So, it’s only fitting that Disneyland would also bring back authentic, small town diseases like the measles.

Let this be a lesson to parents who believe that there are options to vaccination: yes, drinking the water in It’s a Small World, but only for diphtheria and cholera.

The McBournie Minute: Disney vs. the handicapped

Every corner of the U.S. is feeling the effects of the weak economy, and the Happiest Place on Earth is no exception. Though Disney as a company continues to do well, Disneyland and Walt Disney World are feeling the effects. People don’t have as much money to throw around for a vacation right now.

And since theme parks are designed to separate one from one’s money, it seems to make sense that fewer people are going to these, especially when airfare and hotel expenses are factored in. But it should be obvious that it’s not just the economy, but the obvious kowtowing to special-interest groups that makes the world-famous resorts less palatable. The average family has had enough of Disney’s favoritism for a certain group.

The special-interest group I am referring to, of course, is the handicapped. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Disney vs. the handicapped

Get ready for the Hall of Evil Presidents

If you conspiracy theorists out there are looking for proof that Disney has stumbled onto a transdimensional portal to an evil, parallel universe and plans to secretly exploit this at their theme parks, then we suppose this works: Disney park workers can now grow beards and goatees.

Two more years, perverts

In creepy calendar news MIley Cyrus celebrated her 16th birthday at Disneyland while the park was shut down. The Hannah Montana (not to be confused with Hannah North Dakota) had the park shut down so Cyrus and roughly 5,000 of her closest friends could celebrate the jail bait’s pop star’s sweet birthday … even though she doesn’t turn 16 until Nov. 23. Cyrus also had her father, Billy Ray, open up for her mini-concert, no word as to whether Goofy was in tears during “Achy Breaky Heart.”

Luckily for Cyrus her parents did not decide to through her birthday bash over at Disneyland’s sister park Disney’s California Adventure. You see, DCA, as we like to call it, was hosting it’s annual Gay Days Anaheim (PS, if your work frowns on visiting gay California sites that even offer specials for gay brunches, best wait until you get home to check this link). Keeping Hollywood and homosexuals in the news together for three weeks running.