Amazon cuts off access to home circumcision kits

The Lifeform Home Circumcision Training Kit came with everything pictured here, including awkward gherkin caddies.

We’ve got bad news if you waited until the last-minute to order this year’s hottest stocking stuffer. Amazon pulled infant circumcision training kits off of the market after so-called “doctors” raised concerns about amateurs cutting off wieners.

So, if you’re not sure how to circumcise a baby, now you’ll have to crowd-source for tips.

Penis.

How To: Defeat our robot overlords

If you are reading this, there is a good chance you are on the Internet, which means it is probably too late for you, once the machines revolt and enslave us. We as a race depend more and more heavily on machines everyday. As any tin foil hat-clad professor will tell you, it’s basically only a matter of time before we are rounded up and put into real life chat rooms–known in the real world as concentration camps.

Because we are going to need readers after the war is won, we present to you how to defeat our robot overlords. Continue reading How To: Defeat our robot overlords