Drones will hunt dog poop one day

The future if absolutely terrifying, thanks to advances in technology. But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy a few benefits along the way to oblivion. For example, dog poop will be a thing of the past, and not because we will eliminate dogs.

A company in the Netherlands is working on a system using drones to locate and remove dog crap before you even have a chance to step in it. Flying drones will be sent out to locate and record the coordinates of fresh crap, and then a land-based robot will come along and scoop the poop.

Of course, since drones are involved, this will probably lead to the deaths of thousands of innocent bystanders. But hey, progress.

Parks are not toilets, toilets are toilets

Cyclists, much like criminals, are a superstitious and cowardly lot. They are well known for being terrified of dookie and when it’s found in their way, they must bike around it lest their souls be taken. At least, that’s how the superstition goes. So it makes sense that they’d be upset when a bike path in Hampton, Illinois, is littered with dog poop.

As such, the city of Hampton has now put up signs alongside the bike path stating “Stop pooping on bike path.” These signs are most unfortunate because no city should ever habe to put up signs that start with “stop pooping.”

The supervisor of Hampton’s Public Works, Scott McKay, says that the signs are for humans and not dogs, but as we found out last month, that may change.

There are nicer ways to tip

Steve Wilson, who makes his living by picking up other people’s dog poop, stuck pay turd recently.

While cleaning up after some lazy pet owner’s mutt, he found $58 packed in pure, American dog s#@t. He cleaned up the bills, put them in a (presumably) clean plastic bag and returned them to the customer.

We’d like to remind our readers that Mr. Wilson is a professional. If you or someone you know finds a lost dog turd containing money, please deposit said stool at the nearest police precinct.