You Missed It: End of 2014 edition

I'm not eager to do this, and you shouldn't be, either.
I’m not eager to do this, and you shouldn’t be, either.

We’ve reached the end of the year. I know, I didn’t think we’d make it, either. We found new reasons every day to get mad at each other online. We dumped ice water over our heads so we didn’t have to donate to charity, and felt good about it. We allowed Taylor Swift back into our lives. We voted out a bunch of Democrats because of Ebola. We watched Vladimir Putin close the Winter Olympics with the ceremonial invasion of Ukraine. In a year this dismal, one can feel lost. When I start feeling that way, I just ask myself, “What would Ernest Hemingway do?” Then I get rip-roaring drunk and forget the question. So pour yourself a glass and let’s do this.

January

At least she was clothed
Lena Dunham (of course we’re starting with her) was on the cover of Vogue magazine in January, and not in an ironic way. It got all the lady bloggers of all the internets upset, too, because her picture was clearly touched up. The Girls creator has touted herself as an example of what real people look like, and the photo betrayed all that, they said. In other news, Dunham was given an award for best magazine cover ever.

Let your bowels take a vacation
It was not a good month to be on a boat. First, a Royal Caribbean cruise ship had to cut its tour short because some 700 crew and passengers got sick. Then, a Princess cruise ship had a similar outbreak. We’re not talking about a head cold going around on the ship–it was the norovirus. A sizable amount of people were enjoying their vacations either in their cabin bathrooms without ventilation, or heaving over the side. They say bad things come in threes, but sadly the Bud Light cruise ship at the Super Bowl wasn’t affected.

In case you’re not sick of him already
Justin Bieber was arrested after police said he was drag racing in Miami while drunk and high, which is probably how everyone else in Miami drives in the first place. Bieber reportedly cried when he got arrested, and compared himself to Michael Jackson after posting bail. Between him and Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, it’s nice to see that Canadians can be just as big asses as Americans. Continue reading You Missed It: End of 2014 edition

You Missed It: Disowned edition

Now he's going to hate Asians, too.
“Come to think of it, I don’t like Asians now, either.”

It seems like every week some columnist is declaring social media dead, like they’re ER doctors or something. As much as I would like it, Facebook isn’t dead, and luckily, neither is Twitter. Things don’t die just because you tell them to, they die because you were so quick to move on to the next big thing you didn’t look back. When someone has to remind you that it existed, it’s dead. If you were busy drooling over the cast of the new Star Wars this week, odds are you missed it.

Clipped
The NBA banned Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling for life, after recordings surfaced of him making racist comments involving black players, and his girlfriend taking pictures with Magic Johnson. A picture of Sterling in his underwear was also released this week, and it came out that he has been diagnosed with cancer. You had a better week than Sterling did.

Good-time Harry is back
England’s Prince Harry and his girlfriend, Cressida Bonas, announced that they have ended their two-year relationship this week. The revelation dashed many hopes in the U.K. for a royal wedding, since Harry introduced her to his grandmother, Queen Elizabeth, a few months back. So when your girlfriend talks about how said this is, just nod.

Call of Cards
It was announced this week that Kevin Spacey will play a central role in the next Call of Duty game, due to be released later this year. Fans of the series hailed the announcement, as the plotlines of CoD games have become to convoluted that it will help when Spacey turns to the camera and explain in detail what is going on and what he’s about to do.