Tag: doping

LIVESOMEONEELSE

In the wake of allegations by the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency, Lance Armstrong has stepped down from chairing his line of cheap men’s accessories, Livestrong. Minutes later, Nike announced that they will no longer use him as a spokesman (ha!).

The non-profit, non-governmental USADA put out a report last week accusing Armstrong and his Tour de France teams of using performance enhancing drugs to win the race seven consecutive times from 1999 to 2005. Since then, Armstrong has been on the ropes, debating whether he will submit to a polygraph.

Armstrong said he looks forward to spending more time at home with his testicle … provided that he hasn’t given it cancer, too, with all those  alleged hormone treatments he didn’t take.

Please, think of the athletes

The International Olympic Committee would like to remind you that human rights violations are no reason to boycott the Olympics.  It’s important to recognize the diversity of other cultures and some of those, like the Chinese when it comes to Tibet and Myanmar, are dicks.

“‘We believe that the boycott doesn’t solve anything,’ [IOC President Jacques] Rogge told reporters[.] ‘On the contrary, it is penalizing innocent athletes and it is stopping the organization from something that definitely is worthwhile organizing'” (emphasis ours). 

In other news, the IOC is still preoccupied with hard-hitting, globally-destructive issues like doping.  The IOC: just like in high school, it’s all about the jacques jocks.