Zombies! They claim they only want brains, but we know the truth. The “brrraaaaaaaaaaaaains” bit is an act; they’d rather have what’s in our pants.
And by that, we mean money. (What were you thinking?)
Forbes Magazine just listed this year’s top dead earners, 13 of which earned a combined $194 million dollars this past year.
Elvis was number one, of course, earning $52 million, presumably in velvet painting sales.
Charles Schulz was number two with $33 million, thanks to a huge back catalog of Snoopy merchandise (and the occasional other Peanuts character product).
And our old buddy, Heath Ledger — a zombie finance newbie (a z00mbie) — had an impressive $20 million year, grabbing the undead celebrity bronze.
Honorable mentions include Albert Einstein, Aaron Spelling, Dr. Seuss, John Lennon (who didn’t care about possessions until zombification), Andy Warhol, Marilyn Monroe, Steve McQueen, Paul Newman (another z00mbie), James Dean and Marvin Gaye.
Tupac Shakur failed to make this year’s issue because, as Dr. Snee explained, that’s how iron lungs work.