Canadian drivers are too nice, police say

Let it never be said that the police in Prince Edward Island, Canada don’t enjoy their jobs. Fresh off of threatening potential drunk drivers with Nickelback, they now want people to drive more selfishly.

The province is plagued with drivers who are so considerate that they are causing accidents, police say. Drivers are stopping and waving along people making left turns, which can end up in T-bone accidents, and could make the waver liable for insurance costs. That’s why authorities are asking drivers to stop being so nice to each other.

Did you know that turning right on a red light is illegal in Canada? An oppressive regime.

So that’s where Bobby Collins went

If you’ve wondered what happened to the stand-up comedians of the ’70s, ’80s and ’90s (or the Mom Rock of comedy), we’ve found them. Turns out they were in Saudi Arabia this whole time, making sure the government knows that women are terrible drivers. And, much the same way they courageously confronted and ended the practice of airline food, it’s working … for now.

Using new nickname is a ‘supertask’

If you’re reading this page on your phone while driving, you may want to look up for a second because a playground just merged into your lane.

According to a study at the University of Utah, only 2.5 percent of people can sufficiently do two things at once, like curl their hair and burp a baby.

If you’re not one of these 2.5 percent and attempt to drive and talk on the phone, then you’re an idiot. If you are one of these 2.5 percent, then you’re a “supertasker,” which makes you sound like an idiot.

In Other News:
New England drivers can breathe a sigh of relief. Rhode Island is finally getting its drivers off the road.

Insert joke here

Oh sure, everyone like a joke every now and then, but a chance to offend? Well, that’s just keen. And a chance to offend not one, but two demographics? Heaven.

One Japanese (Asian demographic) driver went the wrong way down one road and continued on. Yikes.

For 47 kilometers, which is over 30 miles. Super yikes.

Big suprise: he was old (and demographic number two). A 68-year-old retired man from Ozu drove his old man car in the wrong lane of the Matsuyama Expressway for about 47 kilometers yesterday. Nothing serious happened. Of course, by serious, I mean deadly. The old man was slightly injured, and he did cause another driver to hit a road marker, though. The driver said that he noticed he was in the wrong lane early on, but “panicked” and continued on. That bodes just so well for his reaction time. Continue reading Insert joke here