Parents who tell their kids cautionary tales about their previous drug, tobacco and alcohol use may be counter-intuitively driving those kids to the (prescription) bottle. That’s according to a new study that found that “the more often the parents talked about regret over their own use, the bad things that happened, and that they’d never use it again, the students were more likely to report pro-substance-use beliefs.”
The researchers didn’t find a direct link between boring your kids with tales of your youth and their need for a drink afterwards, just an interesting correlation. However, the Guys feel it is safe to say that you should never try to relate to a teenager. They may look human, but that’s just what they want you to think.
When you face a foe as great in numbers as animals, humans want to believe that we aren’t alone in this fight. We’ve long put dogs on a pedestal, claiming them as man’s best friend. But, let’s not forget that only 10,000 years ago, they were wolves.
We’ve depended on dogs in police work, especially for enforcing our nation’s drug laws, which have now incarcerated a larger portion of our population than that of any other country, even the freedom-hating ones like North Korea and China. Could this have been dogs’ plan from the beginning, to arrest as many fighting Americans as possible so we would be powerless to stop their inevitable attack?
The U.S. Supreme Court is about to decide whether police dogs are planting evidence. Or, at least whether using their sense of smell alone is strong enough evidence for a search. Either way, it looks like some species is about to get their face rubbed in the Constitution of the United States.
Pharmacies are unable to keep up with growing demand for Adderall and Ritalin due to rising prescription numbers (18 million Adderall prescriptions in 2010 alone), DEA restrictions on surplus production of the controlled substance and drug manufacturers’ hesitance to provide generics when their namebrand designers drugs are more expensive.
Members of the child-interacting community are nervous, wondering how they will be able to stimulate undrugged children in the future should this problem continue unabated.
Sometimes, everything you need to know in a story is right there in the first sentence. Sometimes, its buried further down. And, sometimes, its buried so deep that the story itself is about something else entirely. That’s where “The Real Story” comes in.
According to Time, the story is that China has started distributing free antiretroviral treatments to 63 percent of those in their population who are infected with HIV. The other 37 percent? Not so much, because they got pre-AIDS from sex or drug use.
In order for this item to be news, this would mean believing that the Chinese government can do anything without at least one evil element.
No, the real story here is how the worldwide medical community rates the effectiveness of antiretroviral treatment: in “person-years,” or “an estimate of the number of years that would have been lost due to early death from AIDS.”
We’re sorry. Your dog may be 12 in “dog years,” but in “person-years?” Barkplug has AIDS.
As the saying goes, there ain’t no party like a Moscow party, because a Moscow party don’t stop.
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, who you may know as a politician, showed off his mad rapping skills on Russia’s version of MTV. OK, well really he was just there to talk, but hey, he may have rhymed in his own language.
“I do not think that ‘top-rock’ or ‘down-rock’ breakdance technique is compatible with alcohol or drugs,” Putin told cheering hip-hoppers who responded with chants of “Respect, Vladimir Vladimirovich.”
Putin is pretty gangsta, after all. Remember the campaign for who would be his replacement as president? Anyone who stepped to him got capped in the ass–except with radiation poisoning.
All of them, whose names aren’t being published because they were working undercover, got reassignments and retraining. Nobody lost their job, which probably is fair enough. It was embarrassing as you can believe to the Polk County Drug Task Force but, despite the pleading of the kingpin’s lawyer, their conduct did not invalidate the search.
Caught in the blast: six detectives, a deputy, and four sergeants. The detectives got “a letter of retraining” and “two hours of retraining.” The supervising sergeants got a “letter of guidance” and “four hours of retraining.”
Retraining? Like what, how to put better spin on the Wiimote?
Sometimes, yes, we’re nitpicking when we point out your errors in written communication. We still “knew what you meant.”
Maybe we were acting like Grammar Nazis all along: rounding up your mistakes, relegating them to ghettos and then eventually exporting them to slave labor camps where your misplaced apostrophes were worked to death, medically-experimented on and gassed before they were cremated and buried in mass graves. Perhaps you weren’t exaggerating at all.
Of course … it only took one typo to set a man convicted of possessing over 100 grams of cocaine (who is also wanted for weapons violations) free.
The “squares” in Washington and the clergy have been trying to warn you youngsters, but clearly you haven’t paid attention: marijuana is a dangerous, dangerous drug and nobody is immune to its ill effects.
The American hero was minding his own business, making a publicity/inspirational appearance at the University of South Carolina. He found himself at a party, enjoying records and talking to nice girls.
All of a sudden, in walks Steve, an English major, who offers everyone a “party favor” from his “magic party vase.” Steve’s a nice guy and really into art and clothes; who would suspect that he was on a suicide terrorist mission to destroy the lives of all his friends and Michael Phelps?
(We would. Also, Steve’s clearly gay.)
Marijuana works against the body like so:
The smoke is inhaled into the lungs, where it is sent with oxygen to the brain.
THC, a chemical in the smoke, makes the brain go wonky and creates the world’s most longest, most annoying jam music.
Adults find out you’ve been smoking marijuana and get angry.
You go to jail for contributing to the estates of the surviving Grateful Dead.
So, for the love of God and America, don’t get caught smoking marijuana. The parents will never shut up about it.